Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 03:06:33 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
84
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Help Kids handle multiple life event changes in short time  (Read 602 times)
family1st
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 2


« on: October 25, 2019, 06:12:32 PM »

Trying to co-parent with my ex husband who I believe has BPD.  After 1 year separation ex has moved in with girlfriend, married her, becoming step parent to her D12 and new baby on the way.  Ex and I have two kids S9 and D6.  Both children having issues coping with the sudden change that has happened over  11 months.  I am working to validate my kids feelings and give them a safe space to vent.  Unfortunately my D6 has started getting UTI infections multiple times dealing with all the stress.  I've requested counseling for her but ex husband does not agree.  S9 is frustrated that D6 gets lots of attention due to the infections and is acting out on many levels.  I am starting to go to counselor myself to get tips on how to help both kids but they are still struggling.  Any ideas on how I can get ex husband to change his mind about counseling to help the kids?  Court is an option I know but I'm trying to see other options too.
Logged
david
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4365


« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2019, 06:54:10 PM »

Courts like counseling and it should not be a problem in court.
I can not coparent with my ex so I parallel parent and that works.
If you go to court you might want to get the courts to give you certain rights in areas for the kids if you can show the court how much obstruction goes on. Document everything you can.
Logged

GaGrl
Ambassador
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 5722



« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2019, 08:34:16 PM »

In the meantime, your children might benefit from talking with their school counselors, which can bypass the "therapy" designation that your ex is resisting.

Therapy should, however, be the goal.
Logged


"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
worriedStepmom
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 1157


« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2019, 08:48:08 PM »

You could try blaming the need for therapy on you.  "I'm having trouble managing things, and I think it would help to have a counselor give me ideas on what else they need from me." 

My daughter had a lot of UTIs at that age (and with a similar stress level).  The pediatrician told me to stop letting her use bubble bath and to train her to take a shower (so she isn't sitting in soapy water).  I also had him write a note to the teacher so she could go to the bathroom whenever she wanted, and not just when the class went. 

Good luck!
Logged
mart555
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 340


« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2019, 10:11:34 PM »

Go for "family therapy" but have the therapist focus mostly on the kid?  That way the ex has no say on this..
Logged

family1st
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 2


« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2019, 09:46:11 PM »

Thank you all for the comments and suggestions. Family therapy would be nice but the counselor will not even see the kids without both parents consent first.  Will try the school counselor first.  Definitely not using bubble bath anymore per doctors orders. 
Logged
david
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4365


« Reply #6 on: October 28, 2019, 04:36:00 AM »

You might be able to have the school counselor recommend counseling, in writing. This would be an added bonus if you have to go to court. Another reason for the courts to give you some additional decision power. The series of steps you needed to take in order to help your child and the roadblocks you are encountering.
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!