My daughter broke up with me

[Harvester]

My adult daughter with BPD broke up with me.  It doesn’t feel fair.  I’m not perfect, but she was always my priority.  I was not a bad mom. She cares more about people she barely knows than she cares about me. This hurts.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Etsy]

Hi Harvester,

I think/believe that the emotions of such a close relationship, are felt so intensely, that it can become to much to bear for someone with BPD. Boarders just feel with such great depth. People they barely know, perhaps in some cases are easier, as the emotions do not run as deep?. It does hurt to see their pain and want to reach out to help (as is so iintuitive for mothers) and then to be rejected. So hard to find the balance, that one day is perfect, the next day is not!
Have you or your daughter had any therapy?

Etsy  x

[Harvester]

Hi Etsy,

Thank you for your feedback.  What you said about close relationships being too much to handle makes sense.  Yes, we’ve both been in therapy throughout the years, sometimes together.  But until recently, there was never a diagnosis.  I feel like she’s always been mad at me, but unable to communicate it.    The diagnosis of BPD actually clears up a lot of confusion I’ve felt throughout the years.  I hope and pray she’ll let me back in and we’ll get the opportunity to work on our relationship.

[Etsy]

Hi Harvester,

I relate to   "I feel like she’s always been mad at me, but unable to communicate it" and when we got the diagnoses, I finally understood what I had previously thought was bad behaviour, (although there was something off and not quite right about that thought, that I could not put my finger on) it was indeed acting out emotions that DD could not articulate. (When you really think about it there are a lot of adults out there who are unable to do this, so when you have a child,  who feels so deeply, and begins to discover the world can have an ugly side...)
The diagnoses for me triggered a huge physiological effects of anxiety through out my body, because of hideous and arduous journey with our local child mental health authority, having to travel 160 Miles from our home to get this diagnoses, because they were clueless in our home town...very long story ... like most of us have here! The anxiety presented in a very strange way of a buzzing/vibrating feeling that started in my feet and worked it's way up my legs and stayed there for nearly 6 months. I still  get the sensation in my feet, but it is not always there now, and has stopped in my legs. I have recently discovered how emotional trauma can be trapped in your body, but can be released with massage, having recently had 3 aromatherapy massages I was surprised to find myself in floods of tears,  the threapist was not surprised, and I have since found out and in the process of researching how negative emotions can become trapped in the body.

Have you done the NEABPD family connections teleconference Programme? I found that this to be very informative and a support environment, which also gave me a very valuable skill set.

Like yourself "The diagnosis of BPD actually clears up a lot of confusion I’ve felt throughout the years."  - I found this to be the case too, when you know what you are dealing with, you can begin to move forward, otherwise it is left to the imagination, and then the fear of the unknown runs wild in your head, whilst you are trying to figure it out!

Very Best Wishes and Hope's that you are able to reconnect with your DD, and have the fulfilling relationship you both deserve.
Etsy

[Harvester]

Thank you, Etsy.  I will definitely sign up for the NEABPD program.  And thank you for sharing your story.  I never thought about negative emotions being trapped in the body.  It’s helpful to be aware of this and gives me more motivation to try to be healthy.

[Etsy]

Hey Harvester,

Let me know how you get on with the family connections Programme. Here is the link https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/family-connections/family-connections-pre-registration-form/
It should direct you to your country's site (I am UK based) at the time i did mine there was no UK contingent, so I did mine via the USA, and it was excellent.

I will pop back in a while with a link, on explanation of trapped emotions. Or I might even start a new thread, asking if anyone else out there has experience of this.
Etsy

[PeaceMom]

Etsy,
We’ve had other discussions here in the past on trapped energy. One type of therapy is called “Somatic Experiencing” -Dr. Peter Levine is amazing. Also the book “The Body keeps the score” echos all this research. It came about w/PTSD sufferers which I believe many of us are!

[Etsy]

Thanks Peacemom,

I have not had a massage in many years, certainly not since this journey began. I took myself & DD for a 7 day break in the south Mediterranean, to a spa Hotel, with the additional advantage of seeing blue skies for the week!  I was initially quite shocked, at the effect of the massage, and have started looking into it, so thanks for the additional info
Etsy x