Dear all
I am new to this forum and thank you again for all the help and success stories! It gave me hope and makes me feel there is help out there in the world and at a time when I felt really lonely.
For reference, please my first post
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=341076.newI have a question with regards to kids. We have two kids, aged 6 and 8 and I need help / advice on how to shield the impacts of my BPD wife on the kids.
My wife is a very kind and gentle person with regards to the kids - she plays games, she helps with home work (sometimes) and I am responsible for the discipline.
My wife has the tendency to accept social event invitations from any / all friends on short notice, week time even if my daughter has a test the next day. She loves the social life, and these events go above and beyond any family activity - there are a few favourite friends, but she acceptes all invitations regardless of how close this person is to her. Both of the kids have noticed this behaviour, and asked me: why does mommy always go out? Of course if this is asked to my wife, she replies: Mommy has to work late
Three things happened in the last few days, and it makes me very very sad, hence this post.
1st My wife is on a business trip this week, Tues - Friday. My daugther's 8th bday is today, and last week i recommended that we have a pre-bday party dinner on Monday. My wife had a pre arrange celebration with her friends on Monday, and she refused to change it. I was branded as the person making her unhappy for asking her to change the event, and a week later she is still upset with me saying: why you always say ugly things to me that make me unhappy (in this case: lets prioritize our daughters birthday). She did go out on Monday and came back at 1000pm boozed up and unable to focus/give any meaningful attention to the kids (they had the day off on Tuesday hence the late stay up)
2nd. To counter the impact of her business trip on our daughters birthday, my wife suggested to arrange small get together with my daughters friends on Saturday. Lunch, and then play time baking a cake, followed by dinner and cake cutting. My wife invited her friends for the lunch, which ended up in a bench drinking exercise for 4 hours between her and the other 2 mammas - finishing more than a liter of sake between 3 ladies. My daughter constantly asking: mamma when can we go, and the reply: Mamma is busy! I eventually took my daughter and friends out to walk around to distract her for 90minutes, but with a heavy load / pain in my heart.
3rd. My wife is supposed to be on a business trip Tuesday to Friday. She managed to convince 3 of friends to join her, so they can travel and explore, wine and dine (FB and IG pictures confirm). She managed to convince her boss that she is taking "new clients" along and he is super happy and supportive! We called my wife on video call this morning, knowing she went out till 1am last night and she looked super hung over at 6am - I know she carries anti hangover tablets in her bag all the time. The fact that my 8yr old daughter is spending the bday without her mother, and the mother having no understanding of the impact this has, while having a roaring time on a supposedly business trip, breaks my heart!
Note, the 3 groups of friends above are all different friends, not the same group or even same individual.
The pain is not only on the kids, but also on me. This is not the life / behavior of a mother I hoped for for them.
Any help / guidance / advice on how to shield my kids from these, or maybe I shouldnt shield them would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you again!