Went and got my things, just need to vent.

[WindofChange]

So, had some things at my ex's that I needed to pick up. I asked if tonight was convenient. He said he was doing homework (he's doing an online master's program) but that I could come by. He said he'd put the items in his car and I could just come by and get them out so we wouldn't have to interact. Then...he asks if I can stop and get him a bottle of wine, that he'd leave money for me in his car (?). I said no. It's cold and rainy here, but even if it was a beautiful evening, WTF would I do that for him? So he said never mind, he'd get it himself. So I go over, and I am so anxious, afraid he will either confront me or try to entice me in to talk. I rush to his car, grab the items out of the vehicle, and leave. Then I realize I didn't lock his car back. I text to tell him, and he goes off on me. I apologize and explain that in my anxiety to avoid a confrontation I forgot to lock it, and he says, sure, as long as you got what you wanted, nothing else matters. He was pissy about me not picking up wine for him, too. Said "typical" of me to only think of myself. That part was truly laughable. But the other stuff, attacking me for not locking the door? It's also ridiculous but it was hurtful. I guess at least I didn't have to see him, but I am still upset by his rant. I did suggest to him that he tell his friends how his girlfriend that he Dumped wouldn't stop in the rain and cold and get wine for him and see what they thought of that. But I'm sure he could put some bullPLEASE READ slant on it to make me sound like a bitch.
It's so ridiculous, and he was acting like such an ass...yet it really hurts. I feel like crying, but then I think, I've wasted so many tears on this jerk already. I do try to focus on the fact that he did me a favor by ending things. Once I am able to move past this, my hope is to find a Stable person (after working on my own issues) and have a Normal, loving, supportive relationship. If you're still reading, thanks. I just needed to get it out. It was so ridiculous, and even more ridiculous that I let it affect me, but it did.

[I Am Redeemed]

I'm sorry, WOC, I know that must have been very difficult and stressful for you.

Good job not getting the wine! Never mind what he says about it.

I can relate to having your ex put a slant on whatever you do so that you sound like the one who treated him badly. I recently found a message from my ex from July where he said something like "I don't care if you're seeing someone else, you never were about us anyways." Then he went on to talk about how he didn't want some random man being around our son. It really hit me when I read the message again because, for one thing, I've been too busy working on my trauma to even consider another relationship, for another, I sacrificed SO MUCH for us that it's ridiculous, and the message was sent around the time that HE started seeing his current girlfriend. But I have to step back and realize that this is just how ill he is, and always was. I wasted lots of time and energy trying to make him see reality when his version was so deeply rooted that no amount of cold, hard, evidence or proof would change his mind.

I hope you can find time to do some self-care, something relaxing and nice, just for you. It's really hurtful when we know that someone has a distorted and false perception of us, but the truth is that we can't change it, so we have to deal with our own feelings about it.

[WindofChange]

They are truly masters of manipulation, aren't they? If they can't get us to do what they want, they attack and say ridiculous, outlandish things like what your ex said. And it works so often, we end up trying to explain, point out the facts, use logic to get them to see our point of view, see things as they are. I wonder if they even believe their own ridiculousness. I think often they just use their hurtful words as tools to put their partners down, keep them in line. My ex is so petty. I will say that later (after I texted him and told him off) he did text back and apologize and said it was because he was stressed about his class. Okay, whatever. Then he said he was drunk because he had gone out and bought himself the wine. Um, okay?