Guilt re: Dad. Having nightmares of him committing suicide or him raping me.

[rose22]

my father has BPD. Him and I used to be best buddies (until the age of 13) . Then I realized he was treating me as if I was his wife & in control of his emotions . We have now been estranged for 8 years- even though we live 1 mile away from each other . I just find that I really cannot deal with him. He stresses me out, makes me feel like it’s my fault he has “nothing” & acts like if I don’t go and see him- that he is miserable . I saw him over thanksgiving with my sisters and he was so nice . Two days later I went over to his house (by myself) to pick up something & he was nasty. Very depressed & saying he has nothing and he sits at home waiting for me. He hasn’t ever sexually abused me, but I’m always scared he will. He hugged me and said “I want a private, exclusive relationship with you. The only way I can trust you is if you don’t tell anyone about me.” As soon as he said that I was ready to never see him again. Since that day last week, I’ve been having nightmares of him committing suicide or him raping me . I get depressed and feel guilty for not wanting anything to do with him. How do I cope with this? How do I move on knowing my dad is so, so mentally sick?  

[zachira]

Probably the first step in coping with how your dad is behaving and how it affects you is realizing that you are far from alone in having this type of challenges with a father/parent. There are many of us who participate on this site, who have had similar experiences with a father/parent like yours. We are here to listen and support you.

[formflier]

I want to join Zachira in saying you are not alone.  I'd like to hear more about your story. 

Can you tell us more about the members of your family and how they cope?

We get it and can help.   

Best,

FF