Wrong From The Beginning

[Sha1025]

I have to first acknowledge that the choice I made to involve myself with my significant other was a bad one from the start. I (F 39) was in an unhappy marriage and he (M 38) was in a strange relationship with a live in girlfriend and their young child. We met serendipitously, and have been inseparable (mostly) since.
What a set up. Meaning: my being married (now separated) feels like the worst mistake my BP could have made. Why would he choose someone like me? I had so many obstacles to overcome before I could fully commit to my BP. I HAD NO clue that I was going to fail at every turn. That was 3 years ago. I just learned this roller coaster of blame and shame had a name a week ago.
Right now...I don’t know what to do. I have kids and I want things to stay status quo for them. My BP sees things black and white.
I’m reeling from this information I now have.
I was a goddess. The best thing that ever happened to him. We fell in love. HARD! And now I don’t know what’s real. What have I compromised to fill that bottomless emptiness he feels? My whole life is upside down. What’s real?
This weekend (our weekend) my son has his first HS basketball game. I want to go. But my BP is going to rage at me and accuse me of changing the rules. Of not loving him. Tell me “this is your bull_____ you pull”. I’m terrified to bring it up and I hate myself for not standing up for my son. I’m torn and ashamed that Id even consider skipping my sons game to appease my BP.
What happened to me?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.