I have experienced years of bullying and verbal abuse

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I have an older sister in her early70's. We are both widows and have always been close but the closeness has become a trap for me . She expects me to phone her daily and when I suggest that she could call once in a while she says I always want to be in control so why should she call. The relationship has become extremely stressful for me because if i don't answer a whatsapp timeously, she moans at me. If I want to pursue relationships with friends other than her she is critical and informs me that she doesn't like them, resulting in me becoming secretive to get a break from her. I work but she is retired and she expects me to spend all my time off with her. I have recently started seeking councelling when things get bad and seem to be able to jog along until the next blow up which is always my fault. These eruptions are always after an event which has made me feel happy and come unexpectedly. They are also happening at approximately 6 week intervals. Most recently I was called a liar when I received a call in a meeting and she alleges it was from my friend but in truth (and according to my call log) it was from my financial adviser. A couple of weeks later she used this against me and for once I lost it and became angry. It has hurt me hugely and I went to my councellor who suggested that maybe my sister has Borderline Personality disorder. She has had 2 failed relationships previously, her daughter and her husband. I am now the 3rd. I am distraught and do not know how to go forward. I cannot bring myself to speak to her. Please help. I feel that I have experienced years of bullying and verbal abuse and can simply take no more. I recently started an anti depressant to at least try and help myself but I simply have no idea how to deal with this any more, particularly as my sister would absolutely not entertain councelling or acknowledge that there is a problem. My only refuge is silence. Any comments would be appreciated

[serene]

I have an older sister in her early70's. We are both widows and have always been close but the closeness has become a trap for me . She expects me to phone her daily and when I suggest that she could call once in a while she says I always want to be in control so why should she call. The relationship has become extremely stressful for me because if i don't answer a whatsapp timeously, she moans at me. If I want to pursue relationships with friends other than her she is critical and informs me that she doesn't like them, resulting in me becoming secretive to get a break from her. I work but she is retired and she expects me to spend all my time off with her. I have recently started seeking councelling when things get bad and seem to be able to jog along until the next blow up which is always my fault. These eruptions are always after an event which has made me feel happy and come unexpectedly. They are also happening at approximately 6 week intervals. Most recently I was called a liar when I received a call in a meeting and she alleges it was from my friend but in truth (and according to my call log) it was from my financial adviser. A couple of weeks later she used this against me and for once I lost it and became angry. It has hurt me hugely and I went to my councellor who suggested that maybe my sister has Borderline Personality disorder. She has had 2 failed relationships previously, her daughter and her husband. I am now the 3rd. I am distraught and do not know how to go forward. I cannot bring myself to speak to her. Please help. I feel that I have experienced years of bullying and verbal abuse and can simply take no more. I recently started an anti depressant to at least try and help myself but I simply have no idea how to deal with this any more, particularly as my sister would absolutely not entertain councelling or acknowledge that there is a problem. My only refuge is silence. Any comments would be appreciated

[Harri]

Hi and welcome!

I am glad you joined us as we do understand and many of us are going through similar with our family members.  What you describe is upsetting and stressful. 

I am distraught and do not know how to go forward. I cannot bring myself to speak to her. Please help. I feel that I have experienced years of bullying and verbal abuse and can simply take no more.

It is hard when we have reached our limit.  Ae you sepaking with your sister now?  Is that something you want to work on?  I mean do you want to get to the point where you can, with boundaries, have a more structured and balanced relationship? 

I recently started an anti depressant to at least try and help myself but I simply have no idea how to deal with this any more, particularly as my sister would absolutely not entertain councelling or acknowledge that there is a problem. My only refuge is silence. Any comments would be appreciated

What does your counselor say about contact with your sister? 

Please share more when you can.  n the meantime I hope you read some of the articles tacked to the top of this board and the threads as well.  The best way to get support and learn is to jump in and participate when you can. 

Again,