I feel hopeless

[wanyk3]

My anxiety since returning to college this semester is through the roof.  I cannot sleep and I feel as if everyone in my life hates me now.  I know it seems PLEASE READty to blame this on my mother but my relationships have always struggled and I think it's because of this.  I just want normal relationships where I don't feel like I'm bothering the other person, or walking on eggshells.  I want everyone to like me so damn bad but it feels like nobody does and I don't know how to fix it.  I don't feel like myself.  I just feel bad.

[Harri]

Hi wanky.

How are you doing today?

My anxiety since returning to college this semester is through the roof.  I cannot sleep and I feel as if everyone in my life hates me now.  I know it seems  ty to blame this on my mother but my relationships have always struggled and I think it's because of this.  I just want normal relationships where I don't feel like I'm bothering the other person, or walking on eggshells.  I want everyone to like me so damn bad but it feels like nobody does and I don't know how to fix it.  I don't feel like myself.  I just feel bad.

I think there is a difference between recognizing that our parents did some damage to us and blaming them for all of our problems.  The thing is, regardless of how we got to be the way we are, we do have the power and ability to change.  It is on us to take charge.  You are already taking steps to do that by posting here and by scheduling counseling at your school.   

Unfortunately, getting to a better and healthier place in our lives and in our relationships takes time and it can be quite painful.  That is why setting up a support network here and in real life is so important.  By support in real life I mean activities you enjoy and that bring you peace, whatever that may be.  Friendships can be a bit tricky but can also serve as learning experiences too.  It is very common that as we become aware of the abuse in our lives that we see it in our friendships as well.  We can even see the way be behave in our friendships and discover things we need to work on as well.

anyway, all that to say that I do understand and can relate.  Feeling the way you describe is hard.  It gets better though.  Come here and talk with us too.  We get it here in a way a lot of people in the real world do not.

 

[Methuen]

Hi Wanyk3

I cannot sleep

You are not alone  Many of us have had this problem at one time or another.  Are there sleep strategies you have already tried?  Any that worked?  Didn't work?  Would you like us to suggest some ideas?

Sleep is a basic human need, as is food, water, and shelter.  If a person goes too long without sleep, it won't end any better than if there is no food, water, or shelter.  What have you tried so far?

Your concerns and anxiety around relationships are important to address, but right now sleep is more important (think "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs").

Almost all colleges have counselling services available usually under student services, or student support, or counselling services.  A LOT of students access these services.  So that is also an option for you to think about, in addition to the support you can get on this board forum.  It's always helpful to get support from more than one source. Student services can help work with you on any problem, including sleep and relationships.

[TelHill]

Hello wanyk3,    

One issue I faced was lack of training of how to be social and make friends. Normal development as a kid and teen was denied to me due to my mom’s (diagnosed with bpd only a few years ago, but she had it since I can remember)jealousy of me having friends. She and enabler dad forbid me to have friends. Could this be part of the reason college is difficult? You want to belong to a social group, but don’t know how?  It seemed to be a skill everyone knew but me.

Please don’t blame yourself for this. These other kids had parents who nurtured their social skills. My dBPD mom was h3ll bent on preventing this. Not normal!

In grade school dBPD mom forbade me from attending birthday parties, play dates and sleepovers  I was invited to in grade school. The little girls who invited me felt slighted and got mad at me. They didn’t understand when I told them my mom was mean and I really wanted to go.  That was how my pre college “social” life went...not very well.

Concentrate on your schoolwork, but look into psychological counseling at school.  It took me a lot of practice and observation to figure out how to act. I made some friends but it took a lot more years of work for me to feel comfortable around people.

More is known about bpd now than 30 years ago when I was in college. There are other problems students face these days that weren’t discussed when I was in school like being on the autism spectrum, substance abuse, etc. Counselors have experience with students whoseissues don’t fit into neat, easily explained criteria.

Good luck and realize many with bpd parents had or have these issues. You are not alone.