Delayed PTSD and Anxiety from relationship

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I was married for 10+ years to my now ex-wife who has an undiagnosed BPD.

It's been about 7 years since I left after she refused treatment and our child and my safety became at risk.  I'm happily remarried and life should be good.  

I have not had any noticeable symptoms until this year.  However from January, I have had tons of physical symptoms (insomnia, night awakenings, strange dreams, anxiety, high blood pressure, panic attacks, you name it). After many trips to various experts, I have been diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety.   Has anyone else had a large gap between the abuse and the manifestation of symptoms? Any success stories on overcoming the trauma?  Thanks!

[eliot thomas]

I was married for 10+ years to my now ex-wife who has an undiagnosed BPD.

It's been about 7 years since I left after she refused treatment and our child and my safety became at risk.  I'm happily remarried and life should be good.  

I have not had any noticeable symptoms until this year.  However from January, I have had tons of physical symptoms (insomnia, night awakenings, strange dreams, anxiety, high blood pressure, panic attacks, you name it). After many trips to various experts, I have been diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety.   Has anyone else had a large gap between the abuse and the manifestation of symptoms? Any success stories on overcoming the trauma?  Thanks!

[utnapishtim428]

Hi Eliot Thomas!

I can’t say that I had a delayed onset of those symptoms but I have had lingering/continuing symptoms since my marriage ended a little over a year ago.

I didn’t realize what it was and how deeply it was affecting me until very late in my relationship with my ubpdxw. For me, it took about 6-7 months after I left her for the very worst of my symptoms (insomnia, anxiety etc) to start to subside. I still thought about her every day and felt a constant sense of dread about potential interactions with her. It was particularly bad when I went out with friends to a place my ex and I used to go to...

It took a lot of work on myself with the help of a therapist and a lot of time, but I now go out places and those feelings of dread aren’t nearly as intense. I do still have moments where I just feel really bad and anxious about my ex, seemingly out of nowhere. The other night, I had a dream about her and laid there restless for about an hour...

One thing that I’ve found has helped with the insomnia is to do meditation for insomnia (they have videos on youtube... I listen to those if I’m having a really hard time sleeping and I usually fall back asleep within about 30 minutes). Audiobooks have also helped... if it’s a story I’ve listened to before, it helps me focus on something other than what’s bothering me.

[SinisterComplex]

The diagnosis of PTSD is spot on. PTSD is something that cannot be cured. Now I am just going to make an educated guess here...you have had PTSD the entire 7 years until now. Something triggered you to go into hyper vigilance. I do not know what the trigger may have been, but it could have been anything...a sight, a sound, a smell, etc...something that caused an arousal of your senses. Once your senses are aroused it all comes back and hits you like a freight train.

For example, I am aware of my own slight PTSD, but it has nothing to do with any relationships. No, my PTSD symptoms stem from my father's death. My father passed away and I came home to find him...he died in his sleep. I had to walk down the hallway and wake my mom up to tell her, etc...I do not want to get into all the details because I do not want to hijack your thread. Anyway, my father passed away on Halloween...it is a day I personally cannot work on. I always take it off. My father passed away 15 years ago and I still deal with it. I can still remember the day detail for detail. So my point in relating to you...PTSD once activated doesn't go away...it is always there. All you can learn to do is identify the triggers and manage the symptoms.

So, the bottom line point here is...while this may seem out of the ordinary...it isn't. This is more common than you might realize so just realize you are not alone.

As for coping strategies...work with your therapist to identify what potential triggers there are. What was the pinnacle point of the trauma? Additionally, I highly suggest getting a hormone panel done. I am curious to know where your hormone levels would be at...I would be more inclined to know if you had a high or low cortisol level. It might come as a shock, but your cortisol levels may be lower than you might expect if you have been diagnosed with PTSD.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[BeachTeach]

A couple of things---

As a result of my relationship with my exbpd, I have been deep-diving into understanding bpd, trauma, and c-ptsd (complex-ptsd, something that is the result of exposure over time rather than a single event).

Depending on your experiences with your ex, it is not unusual for trauma to express itself years later. 

A book that has really helped me understand workings of trauma--for myself and for the ex--is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.  He's a renowned psychiatrist/researcher who has spent a lifetime studying trauma.  It's been an eye opener for me, not just because of the ex, but because I was the child of a narcissist mother. 

Trauma and the ways people respond don't follow logic or the common stories we tell about good/bad and the ways people "should" respond to trauma when it happens.

[eliot thomas]

All, thanks for the awesome info and support.  I received a ton of support from this site when I was first going through the very challenging separation and haven't been back for about 7years or so.   Happy to see everyone is still around.

I've read the Body Keeps the Score.  It sure does explain trauma in a way no other book I've read does.  I have an awesome therapist who I've just started seeing who has experience in all of these spaces. Thanks for the tip on cortisol.  Fair point it may be low, which would likely feed into my symptoms. 

Good to know 1) I'm not alone 2) there's such a site to "talk" about what I'm going through with an intelligent group of folks many of whom have gone through similar things and or can relate.

Sorry about your father. For me most of the madness came to a head around Christmas time, which may also account for my aggravated symptoms around this time of year. 

Thanks again!

[SinisterComplex]

Thanks for the sentiment. Its ok. I had an awesome father. I just wanted to share to relate.

As for cortisol...https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3818149/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5435820/

There are various studies and the research is starting to catch up. With a background in human behavior and bodybuilding, personal training and formulating supplements alongside someone with an endocrinology degree in my past you could say this is an area of deep interest to me.

I believe as we move forward that it will be possible to find a cure essentially. However, I do believe we first must embrace more natural supplementation as opposed to buying into everything big Pharma.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[enlighten me]

Hi Sinistercomplex
Its interesting you mention low cortisol. There was a study done by the Swedish army where cortisol levels where tested before deployment to Bosnia. All those who developed PTSD during the tour had lower than normal cortisol levels. One of the things cortisol does is blur the traumatic memories which is why people are a bit vague after an incident happens.
An ambulance service in America trialled cortisol injections when responding to traumatic incidents. None of the patients developed PTSD.

While cortisol could play a huge part in PTSD with complicated PTSD from constant trauma such as a toxic partner I dont think its as involved. We cant constantly produce the cortisol levels when facing a constant barrage of trauma or if we can I dont believe its effective when we are living constantly with the higher levels.

I believe I had complicated PTSD from an ex. Im a veteran and have served in Iraq and Afghanistan. I have been under fire more than I can remember and it didn't even touch me with regards to PTSD.

The good news with complicated PTSD is it can be overcome (a lot of the time). I managed it. Once I identified it and then the problem (which was obvious) I then worked through it. Why was I scared? Why should I panic? We were split up. She had no power over me. I didn't have to please her. And If I didn't then what could she really do?

[SinisterComplex]

Now you are speaking my lingo enlighten me. The research on PTSD and cortisol is quite fascinating and confounding at the same time. You will find many paradoxes and that is where I truly get intrigued because it makes you go...this makes no effing sense.... 

Anyway, I don't want to hijack this thread anymore than I already have. Thank you for sharing your experience though. Not only that...but I say this with the most respect possible...thank you for your service.

Cheers my friend!

-SC-