My SO has been in my life for 6 1/2 years. Once an amazing Phoenix fire of admiration, trust, love, and friendship...it has dwindled down to hateful, deceit, and constant feelings of, “Why the
PLEASE READ am I doing this?”
I’d like to say that our relationship was perfect, but it wasn’t. When she would drink she would blow up and become physically abusive, but fine when sober. We had a child together, continue to live together, and I just don’t know if I’m crazy for continuing this.
A few years ago I was speaking with a family friend after she found her boyfriend hanging in her closet. She found out I was asking her how she was doing, and consequently generated a relationship with another man,
PLEASE READed him, and when caught: blamed my relationship with my family friend.
I’m not saying I’m not to blame in anything - around this time there was an issue with consent/non-consent. In which she has conveyed to me (both alone and in front of others) that it was ok to try and wake her up by, well, my penis. This apparently was not the case, and I was a super asshole for “raping” her, and honestly... if I had tried to talk to her about the way she spoke of it being ok and laughing about it... she would just call me crazy, so I took the hit. It’s not something that should be done anyway, but it was something that I had to work through myself and we went to therapy and worked through it together.
Soon after that was when I found out they had been together. Since then I found out that she was having a relationship with another woman. She says she doesn’t remember this, because during this time was when she was spiraling deep into alcohol and later cocaine.
We had broken up for a brief amount of time, but inevitably came back together because we loved each other and there was no denying that. Then I found out that she had a massive cocaine addiction, and was even doing it while watching our children.
I broke up with her, but she continued to live with me. While that was happening she had started a relationship with another man. I come home to him in my bed, and that’s when my mind snapped and understood that she needed help.
While she sounds like this is normal behavior, everything surrounding it was out of character. So, I tried to get her to break up with him and come back to reality.
I was made to be an abusive person who only wanted to control her. I didn’t want her to take our children to spend time with her new BF because he was a coke dealer, and that was abuse. I always called around to bars to make sure she was there and ok and blew our friends up because I couldn’t sleep at night knowing she was out there
PLEASE READed up. She wouldn’t come home till 6am the next day when she went out WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER. So, how bad was it now?
She eventually just started spending all of her time out of the home and left the children with me, almost forcing me to lose my job due to sudden “total responsibility”.
She loved him. It broke my heart. Not only because she was using all my money to go see him and buy them food (oh yeah he was homeless and jobless... and carless), but it broke my heart because I could see her death creeping in.
When someone you love is so entranced in a scene that glorifies being
PLEASE READed up... it’s hard. I’ve been there before. I was a drug user for many years. Many many years. I also had a drinking problem. So, as hard as it is to admit it, I feel I was definitely a precursor to al of this.
I love this woman. So much so that I stuck by her, until I could not. I began to hang out with another woman (I say it like that because we never engaged in sexual activity except kissing when drunk a couple times. She was not my type...at all) and spent my time when I didn’t have my children over at her families house. They took me in, and I hate that I kind of just ghosted all of them.
Oh yeah, quick note: they were both in my home again on my birthday. Woo.
So, she comes home one day because I had free tickets to a concert that she wanted to see. I take her because at this point, if this is my last shot to save her, I’m going to do it. We get HAMMERED.
Oh yeah, should probably tell this story too: (rewind) she goes out with some friends to see a movie, and she actually keeps in touch with me. Made me feel like something was changing, right? Well, she stopped hitting me up, and I called. She answered and was crying and said that they had been talking about her friend who had died early 2019 (the reason she started doing blow) and she would be home later. She never came home. These months I’m speaking on, I never slept. At 5am I get a message saying, “I’m scared” with a live location. Long story short, I show up, she’s naked and way
PLEASE READed up. I thought she was raped... but it turns out on her wayyyy drunk state: she tried to
PLEASE READ everyone. Someone did.
So we’re hammered at this concert, and have a blast. I got kind of mad because she went backstage and left me high and dry (I wouldn’t have done that to her) but we still leave on a high note, and we go home.
It’s awesome. She playing, and flashing me her body, we’re laughing... then he calls. The place he had been sleeping on the couch kicked him out. I’ll just shorten this whole thing: she asked if he could come over, I say no (duh), she starts lying about the movie night, I called her out on her bs, she hits me and calls the cops.
No one goes to jail and they make her leave.
The next day she brings him over and takes the kids out for Mother’s Day. Turns out: they didn’t even take the kids. They dropped them off with her mom and went and partied. Idk what happened buuuuuuuuuuuuut
The next day I woke up at that girl’s house. My phone has been shut off and I turned it on. Long story short something happened, she was passed out in her backseat, and her new bf was crying on LIVESTREAM about how she’s a whore.
He steals both our car keys (she took mine when the cops made her leave) and leaves her an hour away from my apartment.
After she gets home and we take a nap together (first time in awhile) she finally realizes she hit rock bottom and I send her to rehab per her request.
She gets back, she’s diagnosed with bpd and a slew of other things. Says she doesn’t want to be with anyone, but continues to live with me.
We literally do everything that couples do. Say I love you, kiss,
PLEASE READ, cuddle...
but she still does things out of the scope of being in an relationship
1-10 how big a dumbass am i
