Marriage

[January2020]

I am married with 2 young kids. I have started to realize that my husband's behavior towards me is more consistent with BPD rather than depression, which he is on medication for. I read, How to Stop Walking on Eggshells, and it was like someone was reading my mind regarding my husband's blaming me, black and white thinking, rages, and my own enabling behaviors, effects on my self esteem, etc. I havent told him that I think he has BPD. I have asled him to start seeing a therapist again (he saw one while overcoming marijuana addiction) but he refuses to do so. I see my own therapist in 2 weeks. Not sure what I am asking here but grateful for support. I am thinking about my options, one of which, is of course leaving. He is a great dad 99% of the time. I am afraid if I am not around him for him to rage on, he will rage on the kids. Also, I do love and care about him very much.
 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

Hello and welcome to the family, January2020!

You've found a safe, supportive place here. BPD is difficult to understand, particularly for people who've never been around it, but we "get it" here.

That's great that you're seeing a therapist. Getting your H to go will be another story, as you've discovered. Many here struggle with that.

Anyway, we have a lot of experiences and tools we can share. Should you choose to stay, we can help you with skills that can help improve your situation. If you choose to leave, we can walk with you through that, too.

In the meantime, there are some communication techniques I've learned here that really helped me in dealing with my H (like yours, undiagnosed). When you feel like it, perhaps you could share a little more detail. For example, describing a recent rage incident -- how it started, how you responded. That can help us get a handle on the relationship and see what tools might be most helpful to you.

Welcome and keep posting!

[pursuingJoy]

I want to join Ozzie in welcoming you, January!  I know you're dealing with a lot of heavy thoughts right now but you're doing the right things to find support. 

I'm struggling too. My H was raised by a BPD mother. I'm still trying to figure out if he has BPD as well or just learned some of her negative coping mechanisms. Like yours, my H is a great dad most of the time but when it's bad, it's really bad. 

Read up and share more when you can. We're here!

pj