A Silly Little Argument Just Unravelled Everything

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Hi friends,

Yesterday, my SO and I got into the silliest argument over text and he hasn’t spoken to me since.

Everything leading up to that was so, so good. Everything was so loving, and caring. We had spent the last few months building things back to a good place after our last BPD episode and now I feel like it’s just completely unravelled after yesterday’s argument.

I couldn’t even tell you what we were fighting about- it was that minor. At the end, he said “sorry for everything. Goodbye”. I didn’t think he was serious- I thought he meant “bye for now” since he was at work or “bye for now” like, “ I need to cool off and then we can talk”. I messaged him later that afternoon trying to break the mood by joking around and no reply. I called last night and left a voicemail that just said “I really don’t want to fight. Please call me back when you’re ready” and nothing. No “good morning” text like I usually get.

Honestly, I’m just really sad. Really, really sad. Usually I can see a BPD episode coming from weeks away but this was like an instant switch. Usually a little episode like this is fixed quickly, or in a few days, but there is always that fear that maybe this is really it- maybe I’m never going to hear back from him.

I know I can handle whatever happens. Like I said, I’m just sad and hoping it gets solved soon. I’m also trying not to act out in frustration and anger and start getting mad back because I know that never helps- it’s just hard not to act out when I feel so helpless.

Okay, thanks for letting me rant! Have a great day everyone

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[Ozzie101]

That's so frustrating, isn't it? When that's happened to me, I feel a bit like I'm suspended in mid-air. I don't know if I'm a cartoon character who's run off a cliff and is about to plummet to the ground or if I'm actually still tied to a parachute or cord or something and will be just fine.

Those sudden shifts can really whip you around. I know. And the thing that can really make these situations so hard to predict is, sometimes what they're upset about isn't even what they seem to be upset about. My H has blown up over seemingly minor things. Often, I've learned afterwards that something else happened that day to trigger him and my text or comment or whatever event it was was just the last straw. So, an innocuous comment on my part got interpreted and blown into something enormous because he was already "primed."

That might not be the case here, but just throwing it out there.

In the meantime, the best thing you can probably do is just keep the communication channels open.

What's the pattern been like before with these episodes?