It would appear I am learning things

[Imatter33]

Posting while not in crisis, read that somewhere else. Following suit.

Lies I have believed

Every person deserves an explanation for everything.
Silence is weakness, because one must communicate to illustrate love.
Saying No is not allowed.
Enforcing Boundaries is selfish.

You SHOULD carve out time for people just so they feel important, even if they aren’t good for you, even if you are not emotionally prepared for them.
You are only lovable if you comply.

FAMILY is synonymous with holding your breath.
Mothers rage at their children.
I haven’t lived up to some fantasy of a child that is totally reliant on her for validation, and that 1. scares her and 2. pisses her off.

Why I went NC

Being responsible for my mom’s happiness and well-being was too big a burden.
My priorities shifted.
I made my nuclear family the most important.
I didnt think her crusade for Jesus was ever going to change, and the energy that it required of me to build her up AGAIN when she was furious and sad was not worth having a relationship.
She rages at me after we have a good time together, scaring me horribly and sucking me dry of trust for her.

She is jealous of the supportive and good relationships I have with other people.


DING DING DONG! I bold that one because holy s*** that hits home.



Here and Now

She must have her needs met, as there have been no reports of calamity since we went NC.
She has not reached out either.
My boundaries keep me safe and allow me to have the most gracious view of her in this time of NC.
I do not miss the drama.

If the siblings are mad or disappointed, SO FLIPPING WHAT.

We are all entitled to our own life.

[pursuingJoy]

Not sure how I missed this post, Imatter. Concise, very blunt and loving truths. Love that you're posting in a good moment, we should all do that. Look at all that you're processing!       

Sounds like an "aha" moment to realize that she feels threatened by your supportive and healthy relationships.

I feel empowered reading this. Also, has anyone ever told you you're an excellent writer? 

pj

[Gir5]

Amazing. Thank you and well done 

[Imatter33]

Thank you both!

PJ,
Thank you for the compliment on my writing. I think it was the encouragement I needed to post a letter I have been contemplating for over a month! New post coming in a few min!