Hi!
I've been a lurker on this site for the past few months, but I'm really needing to chat to some people who get it.
My exBPDbf broke up with me at the start of December, after a 15 month relationship. We are family friends and have known each other all our lives. This break-up had followed on from two months of me being suspicious about a girl he'd met at that time, because suddenly his behaviours changed, but he would constanly switch between telling me he loved me and doing brilliant things to making me feel bad about myself. He stopped wanting to spend time with me, was going out on late night "drives" all the time, was constantly texting but never showing me his phone, and making plans that just didn't involve me. Whenever I asked him about these behaviours, he claimed it was my anxiety and insecurities, and that if I trusted him I had nothing to worry about. I told him I did trust him, but that I was worried I shouldn't. Everything from tv etc, internet sites, the friends I confided in suggested that he was cheating on me and lying to me about it.
A couple weeks after we broke up, I realised I didn't trust him anymore. He was trying to act the hero, but it was off. So I went through his phone, something I had never done before despite having known his paswords for the entire relationship as he used to get me to put on music in the car and stuff. And well,
PLEASE READ. He had asked this girl on a date within a week of meeting her. They had been together since. He was speaking about getting married to this girl and living with her etc, telling her I was a horrible person who made him feel worthless and that he'd never had someone love him like she did. My heart broke, because I genuinely did everything for him. Supported him, bought him things he couldnt afford himself but I knew he wanted, reminded him to take his meds, moved to a different country, gave up on friendships he wasn't comfortable with... all for him to lie to me. I'd told him at the start of our relationship to tell me if he ever started liking someone else, if he ever wanted them romantically or sexually to tell me. Because yeah, things change. People change. I wouldn't want him to be stuck with me unhappily.
I confronted him about it and he denied it all (still) until I said I'd seen the messages. Then he didn't know what to do. He cried (second time I'd ever seen him cry) and appologised. Said he didn't love her, to which I said you are telling her you do love her, so you're lying to someone here. Long story short he didn't want anyone to know he'd been cheating and especially not when his dad had voiced concerns about that at the start of our relationship.
We still live together. He goes over to her place a lot, but ocasionally brings her here. He tells me he wants us and still
PLEASE READs me, but I don't know if that's genuine or if it's just to keep me hanging on to a false hope. I love him, but at the moment I know he's still lying to me about things. I don't think his new gf is aware of everything either, but with the lies he tells her about me I doubt she would listen to anything I said.
I can't see how we went from "let's have a baby together" to this. My head is a mess. Not entirely sure what to do, some advice would be received with open arms. Just what I can do to improve the situation with someone I promised to always be there for.
(Appologies for the spelling mistakes, I'm dyslexic x)
