Child bpd impact on marriage

[Baldfiddle]

My 23 year old daughter has bpd. My wife blames me for it. Ive read the book by Randi Kreger. In short my marriage is at risk and i see my daughter struggling. So yes i have my hands full. We do have a great pschiatrist. Glad for that. For stat purposes, i have 4 kids, 23 25 27 29.  Only the youngest has BPD. Others are stable.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Baldfiddle. Welcome to the group. I am happy to meet you and sad for what brings you here. Many of us myself included have experienced marital tension related to having a child with BPD.  In the case of my husband and I it centers around different ideas about boundaries. What are the major areas of conflict between you and your wife?

[Done-er Stepdad]

I too blamed my wife for a lot of her enabling behavior that made our whole BDP situation worse. I even left for a while. I tend to over-react when I sense her giving her daughter any leeway at all.

But that's no way to live. I love my wife; she feels great shame over her past decisions. I do not want her walking on eggshells or feeling beholden to me. I want to love her and be with her as best I can. The book, Forgiveness Is A Choice, was very helpful to me.

I too feel shame for a lot of the inappropriate (and completely understandable) anger I have shown towards my beloved wife. After love, our greatest task is forgiveness. It needs to be worked like a muscle. Please, the both of you, start today.

[FaithHopeLove]

I agree. Love and forgiveness are key to healing. We have also found couples counseling helpful. Is that an option for you too?

[DoneMom]

So sad for you baldfiddle, I understand completely what you’re going through.

My husband Dd24’s stepdad of 10 years has been so good and willing to let me deal with it on my own... I was unable to do that due to my daughter’s extremely manipulative ways and my own hope that I could influence her...thus done. 

It’s a hard path and I wish you well.  There’s support and help here so please stick around and make use of it.

Dmom

[Done-er Stepdad]

We play a bad taste game:

Mere kleptomaniac, Alcoholic, want's to marry a guy with a face tattoo?

Yes, we'd prefer it.

We have to watch True Crimes shows to finally be stumped. And a lot of those shows sort of land a little too close to home.