Candy11
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Bisexual
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Dating/living together
Posts: 1
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« on: March 08, 2020, 05:31:36 AM » |
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Hi Fam, I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 6 years now, this have been rocky but I've need educating myself on her diagnosis since we found out about it. She was put on medication, which did help but she didn't like them, knowing that something was helping her (her not being able to do it herself) and thinking she can't control or be herself. She started to wein off the meds about 4 months ago, things seemed promising, she seemed to be coping. Life got stressful, she wanted a new cat cos we work out of country sometimes and thought "Destiny" would cope better when we were away if she had a friend. I explained the responsibilities of getting another cat and she seemed curtain she knew what she was taking on. Truthfully the lil cat we chose had his own challenges, he wasn't well from the moment we got him and it was straining us financially. We over came this and the lil one is doing well (Thank God). Then a colleague of hers which she veiws as a friend set her off with a remark or request that she thought wasn't compassionate enough as a friend and spiraled. I thought I would have to take her to the doctor, it was out of my control this was something I had no idea how to handle. Since we got the new cat I offered to stay with her and help look after the lil guy and help acclimatize Destiny with him. I've been staying with her for around 2 or 3 month, the longest ever. She is a great cook always makes the best meals and does it out of her own heart. I'm not fused about eating, and told her I don't expect her to cook for me ever, but I really do appreciate it. Last year she took out a loan and is still trying to pay it off. Last month she got paid some money for editing a show but the bank took off the money for the loan and she couldn't pay rent, it's happened before where I would help her pay rent, but told her I can't keep bailing her out. She agreed and said this would be the last time, and I believe her, she doesn't want to live off me. With all the stress of the new cat, financial stress, living together and trying to land the next job, I've been feeling angry and irritated, somethings she bothers me, and I know I can't just express my frustration with her and have to collect myself first. I would review what I'm going to say and how I will bring it across and reassure her that this is not an attack and I love her. I've ask her before to help out with the cat and share responsibility, she replies with what she is doing and I'm not seeing her do them plus she's trying to do work (she works from home) and I believe her, but I still feel like I'm doing everything. I don't want to keep asking her to do stuff, cos it irritates her and me. Now every time I ask her to help, she blanks me off her eyes go cold and I feel like I'm offending her and I stop and say don't worry about it and keep doing what iv been doing. I do control alot (I have ADD myself) I also procrastinate alot but eventually get it done. I'm trying to take a step back and let her control more but she doesn't do it, the cat litter box needs to be cleaned twice a day, one in the morning and one at night, it happened but then it didn't, I said even if you do it once a day would be great. Nothing the poor cat needs a clean toilet so I clean it cos the cat is bursting to go. I feel I do play a part in her behavior and I want to better everything for the both of us. I feel stuck and the research I've done doesn't really compare to my situation. After I told her how I was feeling she almost switched and was happy, playing guitar, singing, learning new songs, it was scary for me cos now I'm not sure if she's manic or hiding some of her feelings to spare me. It's been hard to go back to what we use to be, we were so easy together, alway had the same vibe and energy. But I'm starting to pull away, I think it's just to process the last few months and try save myself and what I have left of me. Iv been somewhat cold towards her and distract myself to try and make sense. She knows something is wrong and asks me, and to be honest I can't even put into words what I'm feeling, I'm very depressed and feel empty myself after everything. I fear leaving her, she's told me multiple times that if it wasn't for me she would be dead already, this scares me and I want to make it work, I don't want to tear her apart more than she already is, she's very delicate right now and me breaking up with her will set her over the edge and to the bottom. I feel like we are a great fit, we understand each other and our love language is the same/similar (she has a much higher sex drive than me, and sometime I feel like mine is really low). But we are great together and want to try keep it that way, ppl comment that we are "couple goals". If my actions are the cause, I need help acknowledging them and seeing how we can go forward. She is my best friend. (sorry for the long letter / vent)
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