First BPD relationship... what the hell just happened?

[ShibaSpeak]

I'll try and make all this as consice as possible. Met this girl a few months ago. Started spending time together and things were going amazing. After about a month of hanging out we went on romantic trip to Sedona, AZ (local trip) for valentine's day and at the end of it I asked her to be my girlfriend to which she said yes.

Fast forward to 3 days later and she sends me a massive text the jist of which was she felt me asking her out was a bit soon for her but she was ok with it and that she still had feelings for someone she was trying to get over. She came over we talked it went well but the last guy she fell in "love" with after a month then found out he was cheating on her which devastated her.

Then the next weekend she cancelled our only plans because of some family drama and she had just started her period. The weekend after we spent all friday night together it went fantastic and she asked if she could come over that Saturday. She did that night went great as well and we made plans to go camping the next weekend which she seemed really excited for.

Sunday we text like normal. Monday night we text like normal then Tuesday morning (she works the overnight shift) she text me as soon as she got home asking me to call her. I did and she basically said she didn't have feelings for me and that was the end of it. She wasn't malicious about it and she said she'd also just got off the phone with her dad about more family drama (either her mom dying or cheating on her dad). Things ended cordially and we haven't spoken in a week.

I guess the main thing that's messing with me is I cant even begin to bridge the gap of where she seemed like she was emotionally the last time I saw her to where she told me she was emotionally on the phone. I've never been one to chase after someone once she said she didn't have feelings for me but it just seems like I lie and I keep wanting to reach out to her again. Thanks in advance

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[Las1604]

Chances are she'll come back around on her own, if she does indeed have BPD. I learned to give my ex plenty of space now. She's reached out, and wants to see me soon.

Unfortunately, that's the nature of the illness; completely unpredictable. Has she been actually diagnosed?

[Steps31]

If I may ask, what makes you think this is BPD?

[ShibaSpeak]

If I may ask, what makes you think this is BPD?

She told me before we got into a relationship she suffered from it and we had a few discussions about it and how it affects her

[ShibaSpeak]

Chances are she'll come back around on her own, if she does indeed have BPD. I learned to give my ex plenty of space now. She's reached out, and wants to see me soon.

Unfortunately, that's the nature of the illness; completely unpredictable. Has she been actually diagnosed?

Yeah she used to go to counseling and was diagnosed. She also started a 3rd anxiety medication the weekend we went to sedona and jokingly told me to hang on for the ride

[Las1604]

Yeah she used to go to counseling and was diagnosed. She also started a 3rd anxiety medication the weekend we went to sedona and jokingly told me to hang on for the ride

Yeah... like I said, I think it's best to give her space. If you reach out it may just push her further away. She might've gotten scared at how close you two were getting.

When my ex broke up with me, she said it was because she was terrified at the prospect of living without me. Doesn't make much sense huh? She was doing it so when things (in her mind) got inevitably bad in the future, it wouldn't hurt as much if she did it now. She's reached back out now, and who knows what will happen. So yeah I would give her some space. She'll be back.

[ShibaSpeak]

Yeah... like I said, I think it's best to give her space. If you reach out it may just push her further away. She might've gotten scared at how close you two were getting.

When my ex broke up with me, she said it was because she was terrified at the prospect of living without me. Doesn't make much sense huh? She was doing it so when things (in her mind) got inevitably bad in the future, it wouldn't hurt as much if she did it now. She's reached back out now, and who knows what will happen. So yeah I would give her some space. She'll be back.

Can I ask how long that took to happen? Besides her created drama I couldn't have asked for a better start to a relationship in terms of our time together. We had everything in common and for lack of a better term just really enjoyed each other's company

[Steps31]

I hear you. Seems to be a common thing for a lot of us- it starts out as one of the closest relationships we've ever had.
Then, as soon as we get too close, it becomes too heavy for them, they can't handle, and sabotage in one way or another...
I think I read somewhere the average time to recycle is 6 months.

[Las1604]

Can I ask how long that took to happen? Besides her created drama I couldn't have asked for a better start to a relationship in terms of our time together. We had everything in common and for lack of a better term just really enjoyed each other's company

Mine was the same way. First couple months were bliss. We were basically broken up for 3 months. But she would reach out with little crumbs till I had enough, and now she actually wants to see me in person to talk. We'll see.

Everyone is different. People with BPD (even on the severe end of the spectrum) do recognize and have moments of clarity when they know a loved one or former ex was really good for them; my ex specifically said numerous times she felt very safe and comfortable with me. Like zero games on my end so even though she was paranoid we'd fall apart, she was less so than I would assume she would be with your average person.

[ShibaSpeak]

Mine was the same way. First couple months were bliss. We were basically broken up for 3 months. But she would reach out with little crumbs till I had enough, and now she actually wants to see me in person to talk. We'll see.

Everyone is different. People with BPD (even on the severe end of the spectrum) do recognize and have moments of clarity when they know a loved one or former ex was really good for them; my ex specifically said numerous times she felt very safe and comfortable with me. Like zero games on my end so even though she was paranoid we'd fall apart, she was less so than I would assume she would be with your average person.

From everything I've been able to gleam from our time together I'd say she's on the more severe and of things. Severe introvert, works an overnight shift away from the public, and when she'd converse with people that wasn't me I feel the awkwardness in the interaction.