Is it over?

[bumblebee9]

Hi,

I have never posted here before, but I was hoping to get some advice or words of wisdom.

I have been in a relationship with my partner w/BPD for about three years. It has been kind of on and off again in terms of having the official title, but we have been committed to one another. Every time we make it official, my partner w/BPD accuses me of cheating on him; I always assume its because commitment scares him. Things seem to implode when we get closer. Things had been going smoothly for the last several months because my partner started treatment. Last month, my partner's therapist went on leave, and things finally got out of hand last week. February was a month of idealization, it was my birthday, Valentine's day, and he asked me to move in with him. Maybe I am naive, but it felt like a dream come true, while simultaneously too good to be true. I was waiting for the other foot to drop but also trying to enjoy the moments with him. We even booked a trip, pre covid virus that will likely be canceled. Last week we made our relationship official on social media, and I was supposed to be moved in by the end of this week. I was nervous that it would be too much for him, but he insisted that he was okay with the pace we were moving. Within a day of putting our relationship out there, he accused me of cheating on him.

A day or two later, he asked me to get all of the things I had moved in, and then seemed pissed when I did. When I went to get my stuff, I noticed all of the photographs were still up; he usually puts them away when we fight. We have continued to speak every day. It's gotten to the point where we aren't even talking about the problem anymore. I guess I am not sure what to do. I feel like I am stuck, trying to get back to a place where he doesn't seem upset so that we can talk, but I am also just mourning the loss of our plans that finally seemed obtainable. I guess I am just looking to see if I have a reason to be hopeful, or if my relationship will always be this way. I have been trying to focus on myself, and sometimes I don't want to respond, but then I worry that he will think I am abandoning him or that I don't care.

Sorry for the lengthy post, thank you for taking the time.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[juju2]

Hi Bumblebee

hang in there.

Bpd is one of the most serious mental illnesses.

Even psychotherapists have to get a therapist when they work w people who have this disorder.

I read on here.  Read, take care of myself.
Learn tools.  There is so much we can learn.

None of it can I do in one day

For me it is one day at a time.

The most I can do is take very good care of my self care, pause, rest, focus. 

I wish I could give better answers.

So much I do not know.

I try my best to stay in the moment.

I get enjoyment out of simple things.

It really is a question of, can I take care of my own well being.
and, what do I want for my life.  and, who do I want in my life.

[juju2]

Hi bee

The other thing is, for me, I have to be strong.

A good support system helps.

I do not have to react to anything in my world...

I have had way too much of experience in this area!

Sometimes it is my truth to do nothing in response to what he just said.

I rely on the concept of pausing.

Just pause.

I want to learn new ways of being around the people I care deeply about, who are challenged by p.d.

You are in the right place to learn.