She lashed out at my sister & I about issues she is the direct cause of

[srheg14]

Hello,

This is my first time in an online support group. My mother has BPD, although she has never been directly diagnosed, as she refuses to go to therapy, she has been diagnosed by my therapist who worked with me about my issues with my mother for a long time. I'm writing this post after what looks like was a small outburst from my mother, but for some reason it bothered me so much that I began to look into her condition more. We simply were talking about housework, and since we are all quarantined right now tensions have been getting high, but she seemed to lash out at my sister and I about issues she is the direct cause of, and put all of the blame on us. She then proceeded to tell us how disrespectful and rude we were to her after we asked her to put in some effort, too. No one else in my family realizes she is suffering from this condition, and so they are quick to lash back at her and get their feelings hurt, and I just want to know what ways I can start to cope when she talks to me and my siblings and Dad like this.

[Methuen]

Hi Shreg14

We simply were talking about housework, and since we are all quarantined right now tensions have been getting high, but she seemed to lash out at my sister and I about issues she is the direct cause of, and put all of the blame on us.

This sounds like it could be "projection".  Try this link, and see if it fits.  Also since you're new, be sure to scroll down in the link and check out the posts afterwards, so see if there are some that could fit for you.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=70931.0

I just want to know what ways I can start to cope when she talks to me and my siblings and Dad like this.

When she acts like this, her emotions are super intense, and this is NOT a time for "talking it out".  Rational thinking can't happen when there are intense emotions.  Explaining, arguing, defending yourself, or justifying your actions will only further escalate her emotions. I would try SET, which is designed to validate her emotions.  It took me a while to get the hang of SET.  Give that a try a few times to see if it helps

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0;all

Welcome to our board

[shield-me]

Sorry about what you are going through srheg14