I Love You . . . MONSTER

[PrinceAlbert]

My wife has suffered BPD since I met her 25 years ago (I'm 58, she just turned 45).  We've been married 18 years.  I think I started to figure out BPD stuff maybe a decade ago just through journaling and documenting our interactions and looking for patterns and causes and triggers.  My therapist, who has met my wife, recently commented on BDP.  I've done some research and it's mind-blowing -- like reading my life story as written by people I've never met. 

I picked up a copy of Walking on Eggshells and started doing some online research.  I'm learning some of the terms and am starting to be able to access my newfound knowledge in the midst of her BPD episodes.  An episode started four days ago on her birthday when our oldest son could not visit due to COVID-19 stay-at-home orders and her estranged sister (who I believe is also BPD and has been the other side in many BIG, fullscale fights) kindly reached out to her.  Both of those caused her a lot of stress and panic.  In the last four days, she's had four triggers.   She's vacillated from being happy and engaged to dark periods of "splitting" and accusing.   Just last night while putting out youngest son to bed she came to me to say that he was upset because "I" was an asshole, "I" was fighting, it was all my fault, and I was a "monster." 

I was able to identify the "splitting," and the blaming, and the name-calling, and the projection, and recognize what was going on and not escalate it.  I was able to calm my son enough he could sleep, and I slept well.

I just found this site through Walking on Eggshells.  Glad I'm here.  I'm feeling pretty good and calm.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[paperinkart]

Welcome!

Isn’t it so interesting how our perspective can change and our empathy can grow once we start to recognize when BPD is occurring in our loved ones?

You’re taking great strides by reading the book, joining this forum, and finding support by reading other people’s stories like you. You’re not alone!

[pursuingJoy]

I am so encouraged to hear how knowledge has already improved your experience. Thanks for sharing!