Continued depression- please reply

[Madison1972]

My daughter is going through an intensive DBT program. She only has a week left. She continues to feel hopeless and has strong urges for self-harm and suicide ideation, even though she’s not acting on them. I know the DBT program doesn’t magically cure her BPD but I was hoping it would be better. The thought she has are: people would be better off without me, even though she says in wise mind she knows that’s not true. When will these thoughts decrease and maybe go away? I feel awful she feels this way and it scares me that someday she will act on them.

Please respond if you can.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

HI Madison,
 One of the many extremely scary yet frustrating things about our BPD kids is the depression and suicidal ideation.   

The great news is your daughter is getting the help now.  I am not sure how the DBT program works, but usually don't they recommend therapists and psychiatrist for follow up treatment( assuming you don't already have a therapist for her?).  You also stated in your past posts that you were looking into getting therapy for yourself ( good for you!). 
So the imperfect, frustrating answer here is (1) If your daughter is younger than 18 , you can talk to her DBT therapists/ program directly and tell them your concerns( I know you mentioned she is a teen in previous posts) .(2) Both of you continuing therapy for yourselves.
Here is a link to suicidal ideation from this forum that may provide some info: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69192.0

Please keep us posted.

[Swimmy55]

The post refers to "adult" but keep reading through the replies .  In addition I am sure others will provide comment.  My son( adult now) had/ has a severe case of BPD mixed in with mood disorders.  When it got to the point where he had a suicide plan, that was when the situation became crisis and I had to call 911, etc.  Can you ask your child if she has a plan.  This will not put the idea suicide into her head, it can draw her out and maybe talk about it with you. 

[Madison1972]

Thank you. She has a therapist but not a DBT therapist because it’s not covered by insurance and costs up to $300 per week. That’s close to my mortgage payment. She likes her therapist though and she’s familiar with DBT. She’s going to be in a DBT skills  group too.

[Swimmy55]

Oh yes, I understand about cost!  It is good she will have a therapist though .  Let us know how the talk goes. 

[livednlearned]

I wonder if these thoughts are somewhat comforting to her? I know it seems counterintuitive but so much of this disorder can seem that way.

She may fear that "getting better" will lead to abandonment. DBT providers sometimes talk about this, that they do not overstate how well the BPD sufferer will do after finishing the program. There will be hard days and challenges and setbacks.

How do you respond when she says people would be better off without her?