Responding to irrational text messages

[AJDW33]

I have an adult son (21) who has been showing BPD tendencies for quite awhile.  He's only communicating via text with emotional rants and makes me the bad guy.  His messages are contradictory and bring things up from the past.  I am trying not to be reactive, but have the urge to respond to his message point by point to make an argument.  Do I respond or just ignore? He has been "living" mostly at his girlfriends (who also shows signs of BPD)  I am struggling daily with how to communicate with him.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello and welcome AJDW33

With my daughter it is emails...loong ones.  I just got another one yesterday...my "Mothers' Day present. '"  This has been going on for so many years that I don't even have to read them to know the story line.  She really needs new material!

I am being flippant.  Her words hurt...have always hurt.  I used to react...respond to her messages point-by-point.  What a losing battle that was!  It just added fuel to her fire...and mine.  Of course my rebuttal was followed by another from her and it would go on and on.

There is so much to learn, ALDW33, in how to better deal with these troubled souls who share our lives.  One gem for me was learning not to J-A-D-E.  That is...don't Justify/Argue/Deny/Explain when in a heated communication with them.  For sure not an easy thing to do when one is being verbally attacked.  It was obvious that there was no way I could change her...but...I could change me. 

There is so much information on this website with links to more.  Yes, time-consuming, but so rewarding when you hit upon something that works...makes a difference.

Hope you keep sharing as you continue on in this difficult journey with your son. 

Huat