Roller coaster life

[whiteshoes]

I have read many books to figure out my wife's explosive mood swings. I am absolutely sure that she has BPD. But she thinks there are things wrong with me, her constant criticism and hours and hours of yelling for more then 28 years is almost convince me that there must be something wrong  with me.
My confidence is so low and I feel so alone. She behaves totally different towards friends and strangers, she is kind and understanding and help full . But not with me, her mood changes from loving to angry in a dime.
I have no idea what to do. I just prey the serenity prayer most of the time.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

We're sorry for the tough situation you're in, but are glad you've found us.  It is incredibly isolating when our partner behaves fine with others, but in "crazymaking" ways with us.  Tell us more about what's going on.  Do you have children?  Do you have anyone in your life who understands what's going on and can support you?

RC

[whiteshoes]

Thanks for the response, I am new at using this post. No I do not have anyone who understand what I am going through, their advise is just divorce.
I read books and listen to the tapes to cope with this roller coaster every 2 weeks.

[RestlessWanderer]

Hi whiteshoes
I know how isolating and confusing this type of relationship can be. I haven’t figured out much myself, other than standing up for myself or trying to bring rational thought to an argument usually makes things worse. The most helpful thing for me has been to talk with a therapist regularly and I have a good friend that I text nearly every day. I usually end up going through the latest events/accusations and try to find out if what I’ve done warrants the reaction I’ve gotten from my wife. They will tell me when I have done something “wrong” but they never agree with the response. Talking with them has done a lot for maintaining my sanity and reminding me that though I am flawed, nothing I’ve done is worth of such harsh treatment. They remind me that I am a good person and that any attempt at gaslighting is just that, an attempt.
I’m sorry that I don’t have advice. But rest assured, you are not the only one that knows what it’s like to be with someone like that. I’m on the roller coaster too.