Suspect fiance has a personality disorder and I'm losing hope

[Trying1000ways]

First post but struggling and confused for years.

I've been in a relationship with my partner for over 6 years. The first 6 months were fun but then things became weird. She wanted to move in with after that first 6 months and while I initially objected as I felt it was too soon, I found myself relenting as I usually do with this person. After a year she convinced me to buy a house with her, and shortly after that gave me an ultimatum to propose. A few years after that she convinced me to but another house with her. Any attempts to say no are meet with arguments. If I establish a boundary, she argues with me until I relent and in the process convinces me that I'm the problem. She is very smart and articulate and send to have a fool prove algorithm that makes it impossible to resolve meaningful conflict.  She has no problems being fun and charming, but when things turn, it gets HARD. she usually frames the hard times as a problem with me and says she can't reason work because I'm in "a mood".

I go to a therapist regularly and we've worked on ways for me to articulate and advocate for myself... All unsuccessful. A big step forward would be to feel heard, but alas, she states "you always say that... I do hear you" but it never seems that she does.

We do have periods of great times where things are going smoothly, but then there are periods where I'm just confused and frustrated (I'm usually blindside). While I do  feel frustrated and will get angry, I never get violent. But those moments of frustration she uses to make her case that I have an anger problem. Most of my friends won't hang out with her and my family prefers not to either.

I've tried to leave her a few times years ago, all unsuccessful, so now I usually just ride out the hard times. She holds most of the financial power in the relationship and while I have a well paying steady job, I fear trying to sell the houses if we do split up.

My dream world that she acknowledge how difficult it is to be in this relationship and work with me on better ways for US to communicate. She feels it's all my problem and that I need to get over my mood.  We went to couples counseling years ago, but I was not where I am now and was too afraid to speak up. She also does a great job of convincing people of her view.

I'd like to make it work, we really do have fun, but I'm losing hope and while I'm good at tolerating a lot, I don't feel this is healthy.

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[LittleMissQuirky]

Hello 

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. It seems like you feel that you have worked on yourself and are perhaps frustrated than your partner doesn't seem willing to do the same as an individual or to do some more mutual joined counselling.

I wondered what makes you suspect a personality disorder and whether this is something you have discussed with your partner at all?  From what you have said (which I understand likely is condensed and not the whole story) it feels like relationship counselling may be a good idea regardless as there seem to be some unhelpful dynamics between the two of you.

Hope you can get some things resolved soon.