Hi TOB and welcome.
It sounds like you are dealing with a lot and could use some support so I am glad you found us. We get it here and lots of our members ahve been able to improve things over time, if not for the relationship then in terms of how they respond and interact with their loved one. The thing is though, all those suggestions on how to diffuse a situation take some practice before they become automatic and more natural sounding. Also, it is not uncommon to have to repeat things many times before you see any changes. It is not a once and done sort of thing.
So, I hope that did not come off as a lecture as it is not meant that way. What I am trying to say and using way to many words to do is that things can get better over time. Sometimes there is pushback but over time there can be improvement.
What would you say is the biggest issue you are dealing with right now? How are you currently dealing with things? Can you give us some detailed he said/she said in an example so we can look at things together? We all support and help each other here. By sharing more you will get better feedback.
In the meantime, I hope you read threads and jump in and support others. We all learn together.
Again,