Adult son not formally diagnosed, but this really seems to fit him

[MissMayhem]

Hello, glad to have found this site.

My oldest son is 24. He's the oldest of 4 boys and definitely the most challenging. The past 10 years and especially the past 5 have had periods of extreme chaos and difficulty. We are in a period of it right now. He was fired from his job in April after just 8 months. He becomes very erratic in his behavior, self-harms, spends money like there's an endless supply - even though he's unemployed. He's never been in counseling long enough or been truthful in it to allow any type of diagnosis. The one time he did go more than just once or twice he simply manipulated what he said/did to be prescribed Adderall, which he abused.

This is a terrible nightmarish merry-go-round and not at all like I thought things would be. I'm sure that's a common thing to say...

1.5 weeks ago he ignored the no trespass that's still in place from 2018 and was being awful at our front door. I ultimately called police and he was arrested and spent the weekend in jail. He had the nerve to call me and ask to be bailed out because the people in there "made him uncomfortable". Oh okay. I made the mistake of bailing him out once before and swore I'd never do that again.

Not sure what I hope to find here. Companionship and commiseration I guess. Ways to cope. It's so hard.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi and

I am glad you found us and posted.  Reaching out for support is a great thing to do and you have found a place where the other parents care and support each other.  We also encourage  each other to self care and work on coping strategies.

What would you say you have the hardest time with?  What sort of self care do you do?  Do you have any support, other than here?

Sorry for all the questions.  No pressure to answer though.  It just helps us to get to know you better.

Hope to hear more from you soon.

[MissMayhem]

Hi and

What would you say you have the hardest time with?  What sort of self care do you do?  Do you have any support, other than here?

Thank you :-)

The hardest time for me is with the constant irresponsibility on his part, in all areas. He's not careful with ANything and there's "always something". The apparent inability to successfully adult. I am worn out after 10+ years. Now he's only been a legal adult for 6 years but there was still drama and losing/breaking things prior. Ever since he entered high school.

I also have a hard time with his drug use and self-harm. I think of how many times I kissed those baby arms and see how scarred up they are now... :-(  My younger brother died 4 years ago from infection/illness brought on by drug abuse and I wonder how the heck he could do what he has/does in light of that.

Self-care...I go to counseling once a month. I closet myself away in my bedroom and watch TV/zone out on TikTok I crochet. I pray. I say I'm selfish but actually it's just that I have drawn boundaries really well the past few years. Finally. Only took me til just about 50