I’ve spent the last 3 weeks determined to have as little conflict as possible

[paperinkart]

Once Removed always takes the time to reply to as many threads as possible, no matter how old the post is!

They are realistic and sympathetic and give really helpful advice. I just want to publicly thank them. A few weeks ago, they told me my relationship wouldn’t survive unless I made a valiant effort to minimize as much conflict as possible. What they said had struck a chord with me, and even though it was tough to face the realities of my situation, they were right.

I’ve spent the last 3 weeks determined to have as little conflict as possible and it’s made a ton of difference! With the exception of a few small bumps, we’ve had a fairly smooth few weeks and I really appreciate it.

It’s a tiny bit harder these last few days as he’s been...well, for lack of a better word, kind of a jerk to me BUT instead of arguing and arguing about it, I’m determined to just let it roll of my back and not be so bothered by it.

So anyway, thank you Once Removed for taking the time to support us and share your helpful knowledge and experience with us!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Brooklyn1974]

That's great.  I have been reading a lot since my wife of 16 years (she has BPD) moved out.  The one thing that stuck with me is to not react to their actions, react to their emotions at the time.  It's made me a lot calmer because she continues to do things that upset me but I am not over-reacting to them.  I now seeing her being upset and has already said 'Oh these two weeks have been nice but how can I trust the future?'  All I told her was from now on the conflict will be a lot less.  Still don't know what's going on in her head but reacting to their emotions on why they did or said a certain thing and not the act itself will help.

[Baglady]

Seconding the shoutout to Once Removed and all the other fantastic stalwart contributors to this site (i.e. Cat Familiar, FormFlier, Ozzie, NotWendy, Harri, I am redeemed, Lucky Jim and so, so many more (I can't include you all but you know who you are!). 

You are angels of compassion who are literally saving hearts and minds all over the world.  Quiet heroes!  Your work is seen and so appreciated!

Warmly,
B

[paperinkart]

Seconding the shoutout to Once Removed and all the other fantastic stalwart contributors to this site (i.e. Cat Familiar, FormFlier, Ozzie, NotWendy, Harri, I am redeemed, Lucky Jim and so, so many more (I can't include you all but you know who you are!). 

You are angels of compassion who are literally saving hearts and minds all over the world.  Quiet heroes!  Your work is seen and so appreciated!

Warmly,
B

I 100% agree! Everyone deserves recognition- I just have more experience talking to Once Removed. But without this forum, I probably wouldn’t have my relationship in any form, and/or wouldn’t have my sanity. REALLY grateful to everyone here for the insight and helpful coping skills!

[once removed]

limiting conflict was an important first, and immediate step in stopping the bleeding.

it wont solve the problem as a long term strategy. the two of you will still have conflict. some conflict is unavoidable. it would be a good next step to begin to shift to switching your conflict style, and focusing more on conflict resolution.