Please Help Me Break This Cycle

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Hey guys!

Haha I feel like I just keep making the same post over and over again, so sorry if we’ve been here before...heres goes again!

My undiagnosed partner and I have been together for 2.5 years and have had many off-and-on cycles during this time. He has more of a “quiet BPD” and I can usually recognize a split coming from miles away (now that I know what BPD is and what to look for with him).

He would usually have a bad split every few months, sometimes a bit more and sometimes a bit less. The longest he’s gone without one was 6 months (6 very blissful months for me haha).

Anyway, my problem now is that I’m finding he’s splitting EVERY 3 weeks, almost like clockwork. Everything will be great for a couple of weeks; we’ll see each other and hang out all the time, then by the third week, something triggers him (usually a little conflict with us that would otherwise be no big deal), and he splits for a few days. He goes completely silent and won’t answer my texts or calls. He completely turns in on himself and shuts down the outside world, not always just to me but often to everyone.

I’ll usually not hear anything from him for anywhere from 3-5 days, and then he is ready to talk. We talk it over a bit and then things go back to normal...until it happens again.

This has been going on for a few months, and while I am getting used to it, it’s really confusing me as to why it’s so frequent now. I know he’s having some depression from not working, COVID, and other general life stuff.

We’re in the middle of another split right now. Today was day 4 of hearing nothing. I start to get anxious around now...wondering when or IF I’m ever going to hear from him. I hope I do soon...

When I do, does anyone have any tips on how to either break this cycle or prolong it so it’s not as frequent? I think things will be better once he’s back at work and has a routine but there has to be a healthier way to solve this. Thanks!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.