I think it’s time to go

[Polyploidy]

Hey friends, I’m so glad you are here.
I’ve been suspecting that my partner has BPD and I’m now pretty firm in the belief that he does. The relationship seems to be in that falling apart stage of break ups, periods of time away followed by returns... I am ready to go I get it.

Here’s my concern... we’ve been Covid lockdown partners (our relationship became romantic just weeks before covid hit) and he lives 2 blocks away. He has a history of violence and anger. Today, on the heels of a 3 week downward spiral he’s having, he scared me for the first time.

I’m here to ask others, how do I safely break up and make the final move. In the past weeks I managed to have him move out and back to his space (two blocks away), and I’ve separated on a few other levels like not doing grocery shopping together (making him do his own thing).

What’s perhaps trickiest is we’re a part of a small lockdown bubble group of 11 people and these 11 people are all he or I have.

I’m also concerned about violence. Every thing  his deficient self has said (I’m not tolerable, i can never be in a relationship, etc..) has come to pass. There’s one more thing that voice has said which has not come to pass, which is that I’d have to call the police on him. This seemed utterly crazy to me, why would I ever call the police (which has happened to him before). But now, with him in this long downward spiral I see him flipping in minutes from begging for my love to anger and I am frightened.

Help?
Polyploidy

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Sancho]

It's great the you have voiced your sense of concern here. From what you have said, your concern is warranted. You also seem to have done really well at step by step distancing - and keeping that line is really important. I have had to support other people who have been in a similar situation as yourself. The one thing that has been really helpful is to talk to someone about your concerns - someone who is local and can perhaps let you know what sort of supports are in your area. The other thing is to have a 'what if' plan. I have worked on this sort of thing with at least three women who had concerns about possible violence and it was really useful. Eventually these plans were acted on and all were safe.
Perhaps there are others who have been in this situation too and can give another option. Trust your feelings and think things through. Take care.