In a bad place. Afraid to be alone physically.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey so I’m new to this website. On my first post I talked about my current situation. To keep things simple, my best friend, who I’ve been romantic with in the past, and contiuned to have a complicated relationship, has shut me out again. This is the fourth time I believe. I’m so scared he won’t come back. I know it isn’t healthy and I really want to work on this, but I depend on him. He made me SO happy. Its been less than a week but I feel so hopeless. I just have a feeling he won’t come back this time. He’s had me blocked for over a month before. But I’m already panicking. I feel so low. I miss him so much, I haven’t been able to stop crying. I can’t eat much. I feel like I have nothing left in this world. Sure, I have other friends. But my BPD friend understood so much about me. We were so alike in so many ways. He helped me and, I thought I helped him. He told me he’s never been as close to anybody as he has with me. But he’s cut me off. Blocked me on everything. I’ve apologized twice, sincere apologies. I feel like he hates me and I hate to admit it, but I’m feeling like nothing is worth it and I’m better off dead. I’m afraid to be alone. Not just in the long run, like nobody will ever love me. I’m afraid to be alone physically. Or I have to be on the phone with somebody, but even then I’m scared. If I’m alone I’m afraid I’ll hurt myself or worse. I dont have many people around me. I’ll have to be alone eventually. What do I do? Is this normal? Am I being stupid?

[ziramone]

Hey so I’m new to this website. On my first post I talked about my current situation. To keep things simple, my best friend, who I’ve been romantic with in the past, and contiuned to have a complicated relationship, has shut me out again. This is the fourth time I believe. I’m so scared he won’t come back. I know it isn’t healthy and I really want to work on this, but I depend on him. He made me SO happy. Its been less than a week but I feel so hopeless. I just have a feeling he won’t come back this time. He’s had me blocked for over a month before. But I’m already panicking. I feel so low. I miss him so much, I haven’t been able to stop crying. I can’t eat much. I feel like I have nothing left in this world. Sure, I have other friends. But my BPD friend understood so much about me. We were so alike in so many ways. He helped me and, I thought I helped him. He told me he’s never been as close to anybody as he has with me. But he’s cut me off. Blocked me on everything. I’ve apologized twice, sincere apologies. I feel like he hates me and I hate to admit it, but I’m feeling like nothing is worth it and I’m better off dead. I’m afraid to be alone. Not just in the long run, like nobody will ever love me. I’m afraid to be alone physically. Or I have to be on the phone with somebody, but even then I’m scared. If I’m alone I’m afraid I’ll hurt myself or worse. I dont have many people around me. I’ll have to be alone eventually. What do I do? Is this normal? Am I being stupid?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi ziramone.

how are you doing today?  I am sorry you are struggling so much but glad you reached out for help.  I read in your other post that you do have a therapist.  Have you been able to talk with them about how you are afraid you may self harm or feeling like you would be better off dead?  Have you felt this way before?  Sorry for all the questions, I just want to make sure I understand your situation as much as possible.  Having support is important.  You are not alone as we have had many members struggle with similar feelings.  Sometimes it may help to talk with someone or even text so I am going to give you 2 resources you can use in addition to this board:

741741 is a text help line.  You text 741741 when in crisis, available 24/7 in the United States. A live, trained Crisis Counselor receives the text and responds quickly. 

1-800-273-8255 is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in case you prefer to talk with someone.

I mention the above for two reasons:  1. out of an abundance of caution and 2. so you have alternatives to the board in case we can not respond right away.

Anyway, I hope to hear more from you.