Suicide threat in extreme stress, past of self harm, and yearly rage episodes

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi,
I'm new to this forum and I'm wondering if I have cause enough to be concerned about my boyfriend. Right now he is undiagnosed. The BPD episodes only occur rarely and he is stable 99% of the time, with a sweet giver personality. We've been only together for a year and half and I'm concerned I'm just beginning to see this side of him as we've been under extreme stress the past month due to him being hospitalized for medical issues.

1. He recently had an episode of extreme rage and threatened suicide after finding out that he may have brain cancer (we later found out he does not). The police had to be called.
2. He has a history of self harm (breaking own wrist, giving himself bruises) but has not self harmed in 5 years.
3. He has extreme rage/dissociation with family and friends about yearly. Extreme sudden rage, throwing things. But no history of physical violence towards anyone. In the past month, due to medical issues, he had 3 of these episodes directed at his parents, and he dissociated during one of them. He has never directed the rage towards me yet but only towards his parents. He raged once towards close friends in 5 years of friendship. (when he was younger he switched his friend group once a year, but he stayed friends with this group for past 5 years). He did have "splitting" with his friends about once a year (suddenly hates them), but had been able to talk himself out of it and problem solve with them calmly.
4. He has a constant fear of abandonment that he only jokingly expresses.
5. If he has BPD, he is high functioning and internalizing. He has a good career and he tends to blame himself more than others. He acknowledges he has some traits of BPD and is willing to go to therapy. He does not distort the truth or play the victim (acknowledges when he is in the wrong, does not speak ill of exes).

I'm looking for a DBT therapist to help him deal with his intense emotions and stress, and he is agreeable to this. He wants to get married and have kids together. He says "I can't guarantee it will work, but I will do everything in my power to make it work" between us.  How concerned should I be? Thank you for reading and giving me your advice.

[qrioskat]

Hi,
I'm new to this forum and I'm wondering if I have cause enough to be concerned about my boyfriend. Right now he is undiagnosed. The BPD episodes only occur rarely and he is stable 99% of the time, with a sweet giver personality. We've been only together for a year and half and I'm concerned I'm just beginning to see this side of him as we've been under extreme stress the past month due to him being hospitalized for medical issues.

1. He recently had an episode of extreme rage and threatened suicide after finding out that he may have brain cancer (we later found out he does not). The police had to be called.
2. He has a history of self harm (breaking own wrist, giving himself bruises) but has not self harmed in 5 years.
3. He has extreme rage/dissociation with family and friends about yearly. Extreme sudden rage, throwing things. But no history of physical violence towards anyone. In the past month, due to medical issues, he had 3 of these episodes directed at his parents, and he dissociated during one of them. He has never directed the rage towards me yet but only towards his parents. He raged once towards close friends in 5 years of friendship. (when he was younger he switched his friend group once a year, but he stayed friends with this group for past 5 years). He did have "splitting" with his friends about once a year (suddenly hates them), but had been able to talk himself out of it and problem solve with them calmly.
4. He has a constant fear of abandonment that he only jokingly expresses.
5. If he has BPD, he is high functioning and internalizing. He has a good career and he tends to blame himself more than others. He acknowledges he has some traits of BPD and is willing to go to therapy. He does not distort the truth or play the victim (acknowledges when he is in the wrong, does not speak ill of exes).

I'm looking for a DBT therapist to help him deal with his intense emotions and stress, and he is agreeable to this. He wants to get married and have kids together. He says "I can't guarantee it will work, but I will do everything in my power to make it work" between us.  How concerned should I be? Thank you for reading and giving me your advice.

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