New to group

[Jimhmr1]

Hi
I’m new here. My wife has BPD. We have a little boy who is almost 2. I’ve been reading the walking on eggshells book and I feel like all of a sudden I have an explanation for what’s happening. My wife is a highly effective BPD person therefore most of the time over the last 3 years that we have been married I blamed myself for many arguments that I see now had very little to do with me other than the way I responded to her snipping at me. I feel like I always have to have my guard up because I don’t know when the next thing is going to set her off. Trouble is it is usually when I’m at my weakest like right before bed after a few drinks or when our toddler is having a tantrum at the same time. This is causing me a lot of anxiety.

We have both been doing Individual teletherapy for about 3 weeks. It helps some but It’s only once a week. That’s my situation in a nutshell. I am interested in what this group has to offer such as shared experiences. Solutions to minimize stress and fights.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

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We have both been doing Individual teletherapy for about 3 weeks. It helps some but It’s only once a week. That’s my situation in a nutshell. I am interested in what this group has to offer such as shared experiences. Solutions to minimize stress and fights.
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Hello Jimhmr1 welcome to the group. 
Shared experience – my SO other is the only person I have every know who can be yelling at me and at the same time wave and smile at the neighbors.  Enough on the war stories it is not good for me to focus on the chaos.
When I finally realized that acceptance was the answer, then situations change for me.  I could not find any serenity until I accepted my SO as the way she is and there is nothing I can do to change her.  I need to concentrate not on what needs to be changed in her, but what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes. I am really good at seeing the flaws in others, I am chief critic.  What I fail to do is see the flaws in myself.
So, what I do to minimize the chaos is to not engage in the chaos.   I try not to add fuel to the fire – not my job.  Politely excuse myself from the situation and let my SO know I will gladly talk later just not right now.  Friends, friends and more friends I started to do things with my friends that are just fun.  Volunteering, stamp club and other good clean stuff that I and my friends enjoy. 
Also, what has helped is posting and reading on this site.   This reinforces that I have to stop living in the problem and start living in the answers.  The answers can be found here.
All the best SA