Needing support

[DJLA]

This is my first post. My husband has BPD, Bilpolar and narcissism. I’m currently staying at my parents house after yet another round of verbal annihilation. I asked him a simple request to let me know if he moves money I put in our safe box. He blew up like I was accusing him of stealing. When he feels any slight whatsoever, he rages. He screams in the next room as our two year old. We’re in DBT. I thought it would help, but he just ends up saying that his therapist agrees that I’m the problem. His therapists are only validating him and he takes that as confirmation that he’s right. He tells me everyone he talks to thinks I’m childish. I’m so done with hurting. How do I be done with him? He has a habit of coming back with apologies after a few days. So my son and I just sit and wait for the pleasant version of my husband to return. He’s on meds for Bipolar but they don’t work. Some days I truly hate him. I never wanted a marriage like this. He swept me off my feet. I’m on counseling and when I’m in the session, I’m fine. But I also have fears of abandonment and he is SO MEAN when he’s raging. Tells me he doesn’t care about me and he’s completely tired of my bs. My bs of wanting basic respect. I guess my question is: does he really believe that I’m to blame or is that another way he’s projecting? I know if we weren’t together he would replace me in a heartbeat and tell the world I’m to blame. I’m his 3rd marriage. He’s my first. My therapist says to not go back until he truly commits to no verbal abuse. The problem is, he just goes down the list of his other friends (female and male) that he can convince I’m the problem. I don’t think I’m being childish. I just want to be able to make simple requests and not have him explode onto me and with our son in the next room. I truly hate this disease.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pursuingJoy]

I don’t think I’m being childish. I just want to be able to make simple requests and not have him explode onto me and with our son in the next room. 

You're not being childish. What you're asking for is completely reasonable and the absolute baseline. More than just respected, you and your son deserve to be cherished and protected.

It's been a few days since you posted this, so things may have changed. It sounds like you're at a crossroads and have some decisions to make. Are you open to heeding the therapist's advice not to return until he truly commits to no verbal abuse? I know he's threatening to hurt your reputation but please believe me, as someone who endured verbal abuse from a spouse, then public maligning when I stood up to him, the truth comes out in the wash.

How old is your son?