The more I understand about BPD, the less strange these things seem to me

[Vykyng]

The more I understand about BPD, the less strange these things seem to me - especially the driving because the direct lack of control stokes the anxiety at the heart of the disorder.

I understand it better now, but it doesn't make it right.
I understand it better now, but it's not what I would have chosen if I knew.
But I chose her too. Probably because of some co-dependency issues I have which were satisfied by the early stages of the relationship when she seemed like everything I wanted in a partner, but those issues unfortunately kept me in an emotionally destructive relationship trying to fix all her problems and leaving me to wonder what I did wrong to make her so mad and be treated so badly.
The silver lining to this experience is that I know this about myself now and I can work on improving it. I am slowly realizing that nothing I did or was going to do was going to be 'the cause' but that where we are was inevitable because of her disorder. I know I made it harder on myself by defining myself through her eyes, not realizing how the systemic isolation made that so much worse because of the lack of external perspective. But again, that doesn't make it right. I am not taking the blame for having my emotions trampled on.

I wish everyone luck in their journeys and hope that we can share some good tools and success stories for dealing with this difficult situation and maybe even helping our BPD SOs to heal.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.