EVERY POST ON THIS SITE IS HEARTBREAKING

[Parents! Get help here!]

THERE IS NOT A POST ON THIS SITE THAT I CAN'T RELATE TO.
I HAVE LIVED YOUR NIGHTMARE AND MINE FOR 32 YEARS NOW.
I AM A 63 YEAR OLD MOTHER OF TWO MENTALLY ILL ADULTS.

THE POSTINGS ON THIS SITE ARE CRUSHING TO READ, ONE NATURALLY WANTS TO REACH OUT AND OFFER A MEMBER A HAND, BE A FRIEND BY PHONE, AND YET WHEN I DO REACH OUT MEMBERS...SILENCE.

YOU ALL EXPOSE YOUR MOST INNER CONFLICTS, FAMILY SECRETS, INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS IN BLACK AND WHITE ON A PUBLIC FORUM
DON'T YOU WISH TO TALK WITH A MEMBER BY PHONE?
IS THE PLAN FOR US ALL TO TYPE NOTES FOR EACH OTHER TO READ?
FOR THE NEXT TEN OR TWENTY YEARS?
NO FRIENDSHIPS TO BE MADE LIKE THAT.
SAYING GOODBYE,
WISHING YOU WELL.
MISSYMOO XOX

[missymoo]

THERE IS NOT A POST ON THIS SITE THAT I CAN'T RELATE TO.
I HAVE LIVED YOUR NIGHTMARE AND MINE FOR 32 YEARS NOW.
I AM A 63 YEAR OLD MOTHER OF TWO MENTALLY ILL ADULTS.

THE POSTINGS ON THIS SITE ARE CRUSHING TO READ, ONE NATURALLY WANTS TO REACH OUT AND OFFER A MEMBER A HAND, BE A FRIEND BY PHONE, AND YET WHEN I DO REACH OUT MEMBERS...SILENCE.

YOU ALL EXPOSE YOUR MOST INNER CONFLICTS, FAMILY SECRETS, INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS IN BLACK AND WHITE ON A PUBLIC FORUM
DON'T YOU WISH TO TALK WITH A MEMBER BY PHONE?
IS THE PLAN FOR US ALL TO TYPE NOTES FOR EACH OTHER TO READ?
FOR THE NEXT TEN OR TWENTY YEARS?
NO FRIENDSHIPS TO BE MADE LIKE THAT.
SAYING GOODBYE,
WISHING YOU WELL.
MISSYMOO XOX

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Resiliant]

Hi Missymoo, if you are still here

I understand your frustration and your need to connect

We are all struggling here, like you are

For some of us it’s not easy to find the time, we are still working.  In my case 12-14 hours per day.   

Some of us still have other family members that we need to pay attention to.

Sometimes we need to process what we have read before we feel ready to respond.

Sometimes we just don’t have any mental energy left.   

For many of us, this is the hardest thing we have ever had to do.

This is hard for everyone.   We are all trying to learn the skills to be better at this.

I wish you all the best.   Our silence doesn’t mean we don’t care.

Thank you for all of your input.  It has been valuable

Wishing you all the best

Xoxo

R



 

[Tulipps]

Missymoo -
Sorry to hear what sounds like sheer anguish. Like Resilient, I believe many parents in our "group" are simply wrung out. I'm fairly new to the board and  haven't posted anything other than replies for that reason. I try to be "present" in my life and relationship during the day and participate in a BPD family group once a week as well as individual counselling once a week. That time commitment, along with reading and reflection take a lot of time and energy... all to better prepare me to interact with my daughter. I'm exhausted and don't sleep well.
What I want to say is "thank you" to those, like you, who do post. What we experience with our loved ones is isolating. Sharing feelings is a way for all of us to feel connected in some way.
Thank you for adding to this community.

[beatricex]

Hi missymoo,
You asked, IS THE PLAN FOR US ALL TO TYPE NOTES FOR EACH OTHER TO READ?
FOR THE NEXT TEN OR TWENTY YEARS?

Yes, and in my book, those are friendships. 

I asked my husband last night, "what is the plan? Are we pretending to not care about our BPD'd daughter, or are we in fact not caring?"  He said we're pretending. 

That was kind of a relief, I could go either way, really, it's his kid.

I'm sorry for not reaching out to you in "real" life.  I feel somewhat awkward talking about my husband's kid (I did not raise her) to people who raised their borderline kids.  It is like this in the "Real" support group I'm in too.  Also, I have already committed to that.  Also, my husband doesn't like me talking about this all the time, sometimes he just needs a break.  If I were to talk regularly to someone about all this on the phone, he would surely hear and probably get upset (I am talking about his kid, afterall).  Typing it, well that's another thing.

I like being able to login, and post when I have a need to, and get the support I need, but it is still low committment, coming to this board.  Having an actual friend to talk to about this?  Well, like I mentioned I have already done that, and the topic was our mentally ill mothers.  That is a lot more committment, and work and I was single at the time, and we ended up triggering each other a lot.  Her son committed suicide, while we knew each other and talked everyday.  That was really hard on both of us... The net affect, it was very helpful, but there were some ups and downs.

As far as it being a public board...well, I really don't think anyone will be that interested in reading all this, unless it fits their situation.  Not too worried, it is hanging "all out there."   This is an anonymous board afterall.


Take care missymoo, and I hope to see you back here one day...if you need us.
b