Adult daughter w long BPD history and multiple residential treatments

[Dotman#313]

Looking for guidance after wife and I just told adult daughter with 16 year history of BPD, misrule suicide attempts including several very serious, and about 8 residential treatment periods that we cannot afford any further treatment. She says she still needs to address traumas if she is ever going to be able to successfully work and have a life and that therapy once a week is not enough support, so she says she needs to go back residential.

She has this year spent 3 months at McLean Gunderson costing us $130,000, and 10 weeks at the Refuge in Florida in the spring/summer. Has done previously 3 months at Clearview, 9 months at Timberline Knolls, and assorted other impatient stints, etc. Did about 18 months with Linehan certified DBT therapist.

Daughter is a nurse but melts down after 3-6  months or so of work with each employer.

Nothing seems to help her despit everything we have done. What is a parent to do?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Michelle-drained]

I think it’s very reasonable that she now needs to take care of herself. There are state facilities she can try, though they won’t be so comfortable! And you can set her up with a room somewhere for under $1000, and she has to figure out the rest. You shouldn’t have to wipe her bottom after all these years. She has to grow up. Only so much you can do. You have to protect your savings and retirement, hopefully you have some left!

[Michelle-drained]

By the way, has she ever tried EMDR? That is supposed to have better rates of success than just talk therapy. I think it reasonable for her to pay for it herself, or use state budget at this point. You have to watch out for yourself as well.

[Dotman#313]

I think it’s very reasonable that she now needs to take care of herself. There are state facilities she can try, though they won’t be so comfortable! And you can set her up with a room somewhere for under $1000, and she has to figure out the rest. You shouldn’t have to wipe her bottom after all these years. She has to grow up. Only so much you can do. You have to protect your savings and retirement, hopefully you have some left!

[Dotman#313]

Thank you. We feel the same at this point and have done everything we believe we possibly can. She did try EMDR in residential this summer but became suicidal with talking about the traumas.