went to the doctor for gallstones, she recognized depression. then she pulled a fast one on me... without one single word, i believe she recognized a disturbed mother-relationship. she created a bond, then ruptured it and sent me on my way.
for the last two years i have been getting serious flashbacks - crying a full six months, then panic attacks with blood pressure exceeding 300, a strong wish to jump off the highest bridge, incredible chest pains and weight yo-yoing 30 lbs up, 30 lbs down, 30 lbs back up. did all kinds of research in youtube, went through four therapists who were more or less helpful. for a while i was sure everything was finally under control but this past week it seems it's all starting up again. tears, binge eating, no interest in going out for walks, nothing. just going through the motions, feeling abandoned and no-future.
how long will this continue? can't take it any more.
