My adult BPD daughter has taken my 2 yr old grandson and disowned me

[Lollipop1]

I adopted my daughter at 8 months old she was in a very neglectful situation. She is now 19 she got pregnant lived with me and we raised this little boy for 2 years she married a narcissistic person and the 2 of them have taken my grandson and left and disowned the family. Claiming that we were abusive throughout her life. She has blocked everyone in her previous life And I have done everything I can think of to see my grandson any suggestions

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BonnieW]

My heart breaks for you.  My daughter has also used my grandchildren to blackmail me in the past, and claims that I was neglectful and abusive throughout her life.  I am fortunate in that my son-in-law will not allow the blackmail to continue.

My suggestion is to use this forum to vent your frustrations and for useful information; and to commiserate with people who have similar experiences. I have understood that grandparents have a legal right to see their grandchildren, but don't know anything about enforcing it (assuming that it's true).

I hope that you get to see your grandson very soon and wish you peace.

[Sancho]

Such a painful situation. In my situation the little one was whisked off when a new relationship started - and my anxiety about her was almost unbearable. There was nothing I could effectively do, however. So I just waited and eventually the child was back with me.

In my experience BPD folk seem to merge with whoever they are with - so a lot of this might be driven by your daughter's partner - being possessive?

Grandparents do have rights, but it is always worth thinking through each possible option - eg how would it work, would it cause more alienation in the long term etc.

I am not sure from what you have said how long it has been since they cut you out of their lives. I had to wait many months before I was allowed to connect the first time this happened to me. It was a very painful, anxious time.

I hope there are some parts of your life that you can draw on to keep you on top of things - especially at this time of the year.

[GuttedGrandma]

My heart hurts for you. I am not able to see my 6 month old grandson and it is killing me. I don’t have any suggestions, but deep empathy. May I pray for you?