She had an affair with me and now no contact

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Met this girl 2.5 years ago at work. Undiagnosed (as far as I know) 24yrs old. She was in a LTR and had an affair with me for about 1.5 of those years. She literally jumped in my bed one night and then it was an intense deal since she still lived with her BF and we would hook up a few times a week, go on trips together, hang on the weekends...lots of (insane) lies on her part to make all this happen. Anyway, she hooked me, would say she was going to leave him, then end it with me only to come back days later. On and on in this sort of cycle for over a year. It was exhausting but I was addicted to her.

So many anecdotes I could tell of the lies she would use (to both of us) and back and forth actions. She even faked a pregnancy as a reason to reach out to me once. Since we weren't in an exclusive relationship (obviously), I would try to date other women for my own self respect I guess. One time, she saw I was on a date and freaked out even though she was away for the weekend with her BF. Wtf?

He finally found out (he confronted me) and she said we could never talk again - that she needed to "fix her life". He made her move out and she reached out as soon as she got her new place (literally the first night). It was still a rollercoaster as she was going back and forth between me and him - almost on a daily basis for the next month or so. Just when it seemed she was losing interest in him and things were looking up for us, I left for a pre planned vacation and she immediately ran back to him. Literally texted him as she was walking out my door. She then warmed back up for a week or so when I returned.

A few weeks later she went on a long weekend trip - but almost cancelled her flight because she was too anxious to go somewhere alone. Then as soon as she got back said she was moving there ASAP. Within 2 weeks, she gave up her apartment, packed her stuff, and negotiated with her job to work remote. I played it cool and let her go, as I always did each time, but he freaked out. He went to her house uninvited, they had some kind of argument, I guess he punched himself in the head until he bled, smeared his blood on her car and drove away. She left the next morning and drove to her new state.

I finally thought she was out of my life and it was time to recover, but she texted me 2 weeks later "Hi, how are you?" and I didn't respond. She always claimed her relationship with him was abusive and controlling and I rationalized it that she finally got away and was on to a new life and I was just not good enough to keep her either. After that text, there was no sign of her (except that she stalks my social media with a fake account).

Well, she's back. After two and a half months and packing up all her life and moving states away, saying "she was finally doing something for herself" - she's back. Last weekend I saw that she moved back and is with him again - living in the crappy basement apt that he kicked her out of after learning of the cheating. We haven't spoke since I ignored her text and it's clear she's avoiding me (it's a small town). I was pulling out of the grocery store the other day and she was going to turn in, until she saw me then she immediately floored it and kept going straight.

I realized awhile back the typical rules of relationships and logic didn't apply to her, but I guess for my ego I've been searching for an explanation to deal with the rejection and pain that her actions, especially now, have caused me. I'm not even sure that she has BPD, but I can't stop digging to find an answer.

[Baller247]

Met this girl 2.5 years ago at work. Undiagnosed (as far as I know) 24yrs old. She was in a LTR and had an affair with me for about 1.5 of those years. She literally jumped in my bed one night and then it was an intense deal since she still lived with her BF and we would hook up a few times a week, go on trips together, hang on the weekends...lots of (insane) lies on her part to make all this happen. Anyway, she hooked me, would say she was going to leave him, then end it with me only to come back days later. On and on in this sort of cycle for over a year. It was exhausting but I was addicted to her.

So many anecdotes I could tell of the lies she would use (to both of us) and back and forth actions. She even faked a pregnancy as a reason to reach out to me once. Since we weren't in an exclusive relationship (obviously), I would try to date other women for my own self respect I guess. One time, she saw I was on a date and freaked out even though she was away for the weekend with her BF. Wtf?

He finally found out (he confronted me) and she said we could never talk again - that she needed to "fix her life". He made her move out and she reached out as soon as she got her new place (literally the first night). It was still a rollercoaster as she was going back and forth between me and him - almost on a daily basis for the next month or so. Just when it seemed she was losing interest in him and things were looking up for us, I left for a pre planned vacation and she immediately ran back to him. Literally texted him as she was walking out my door. She then warmed back up for a week or so when I returned.

A few weeks later she went on a long weekend trip - but almost cancelled her flight because she was too anxious to go somewhere alone. Then as soon as she got back said she was moving there ASAP. Within 2 weeks, she gave up her apartment, packed her stuff, and negotiated with her job to work remote. I played it cool and let her go, as I always did each time, but he freaked out. He went to her house uninvited, they had some kind of argument, I guess he punched himself in the head until he bled, smeared his blood on her car and drove away. She left the next morning and drove to her new state.

I finally thought she was out of my life and it was time to recover, but she texted me 2 weeks later "Hi, how are you?" and I didn't respond. She always claimed her relationship with him was abusive and controlling and I rationalized it that she finally got away and was on to a new life and I was just not good enough to keep her either. After that text, there was no sign of her (except that she stalks my social media with a fake account).

Well, she's back. After two and a half months and packing up all her life and moving states away, saying "she was finally doing something for herself" - she's back. Last weekend I saw that she moved back and is with him again - living in the crappy basement apt that he kicked her out of after learning of the cheating. We haven't spoke since I ignored her text and it's clear she's avoiding me (it's a small town). I was pulling out of the grocery store the other day and she was going to turn in, until she saw me then she immediately floored it and kept going straight.

I realized awhile back the typical rules of relationships and logic didn't apply to her, but I guess for my ego I've been searching for an explanation to deal with the rejection and pain that her actions, especially now, have caused me. I'm not even sure that she has BPD, but I can't stop digging to find an answer.