Just trying to figure things out

[Depression = 72% of members]

 Hi, I'm new here.
 I don't know that I have a specific question... My girlfriend has struggled with mental health stuff her entire life (46) and was finally diagnosed with BPD after a stay in the hospital last week.
 We started living together at the beginning of the pandemic and during this time her mental health (which has always been a struggle for her) has gotten much worse over the months. She said she often felt like she was reverting to behaviors/ thoughts that she had in her teens/ twenties.
 Her anxiety and paranoia around friendships and family have been out of control. It all culminated in a huge fight (which isn't normal for us) and her going to the hospital for inpatient help.
 She's out with new medication and therapy plans set up, but there's a huge amount of anxiety for her about going back to work.
.I took off extra days to help, but feel in over my head a lot of the time.
 Just signing up for resources and support.

[Okabedrpepper]

 Hi, I'm new here.
 I don't know that I have a specific question... My girlfriend has struggled with mental health stuff her entire life (46) and was finally diagnosed with BPD after a stay in the hospital last week.
 We started living together at the beginning of the pandemic and during this time her mental health (which has always been a struggle for her) has gotten much worse over the months. She said she often felt like she was reverting to behaviors/ thoughts that she had in her teens/ twenties.
 Her anxiety and paranoia around friendships and family have been out of control. It all culminated in a huge fight (which isn't normal for us) and her going to the hospital for inpatient help.
 She's out with new medication and therapy plans set up, but there's a huge amount of anxiety for her about going back to work.
.I took off extra days to help, but feel in over my head a lot of the time.
 Just signing up for resources and support.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

A fresh diagnosis of BPD is certainly something to adjust to.  How are you feeling about it?

 What it takes to be in relationship

What do you think of this article?  How do you feel after reading it?

We can walk through this together!

Best,

FF

[Okabedrpepper]

 It's a lot to take in to be sure. I think sifting through the stigma to find good information is going to be important to me.
 The article was good and I would like to say that I can do a lot of that for her, but I won't say I can do it perfectly or well... That's going to take time and learning for me.
 She has done very well managing a lot of the symptoms of BPD in her life up until recently (after some stuff with friends came up and the isolation from the pandemic) and has said a bunch of the BPD behaviors were more what she was like in her 20s. I have some hope that DBT can help her get back on track.
 It's all very intimidating...all the information and the worry that she'll worsen.

[formflier]

 
 The article was good and I would like to say that I can do a lot of that for her, but I won't say I can do it perfectly or well... That's going to take time and learning for me.
 

Yep...I'm still a work in progress as well.  There is always more to learn.  The important thing is to figure out a first or next step.

What do you think your next step is?

Best,

FF

[Okabedrpepper]

 Hard to say what the next step is, seems to be multi-dimensional to me.
 I need to educate myself more. Make sure I am getting support for myself. Make sure she is connected to the resources she needs. All while trying not to overwhelm her with stuff or burn myself out at the same time.

[formflier]

It is hard...very hard to sort through.

Sometimes just picking a step is the wisest course, rather than picking "the perfect" next step.

Hmmmm...let's see, might I suggest.

What is the next step for you?

What is the next step for your pwBPD?  (and how can you influence things to move in this direction)

Does this help reframe the question?

Best,

FF

[Okabedrpepper]

For her?
 I am helping her get stuff sorted with work until she goes back (Feb 1).
 She is supposed to be following up with her therapist to be doing ongoing DBT.
 A big thing is sleep for her. She is trying to get that straightened out as much as she can.
 Basically, I am letting her take the lead about helping her get things done before she returns to work as well as helping support her in her therapy program and healthy habits she wants to do.
 I hope that kind of answers what you were asking.
 -Okabe

[formflier]

Sure, that is reasonable for her.

What is a reasonable next step for you?

Best,

FF

[Okabedrpepper]

 Oh gotcha.
 There is an online course/ therapy/education I am going to sign up that is for family members or partners for someone who is living with BPD.
 I am going to be making sure to reach out to my friends for support.
  Trying to make sure that I get back to a normal work schedule so that I can maintain a sense of normalcy for myself.
 Playing Animal Crossing when I can to escape into my own little island. Lol
  I am sure that I have to be a support but I also am aware that I need to take steps to maintain myself and my own mental health so that I can be a support and have my own life too