Before commenting, I'd like to state that we here seem to get the worst of the acting-out (disordered) cases. Likely the lesser conflict cases don't have spouses so desperate to keep looking for help and peer support find their way here. That's conjecture but probably accurate more or less.
We have a wide range of behaviors that our ex-spouses have expressed. At one end of the spectrum a member had the ex sign the settlement - with a purple crayon - because she was afraid to appear in court. By contrast, another's ex was so poorly behaved he had to move into a limited access gated community and the ex not only lost custody but lost parenting time as well.
The fact is we can't avoid all conflict or issues no matter how hard we may try. If we could have then we wouldn't have had to end the relationship, right? Even when separated or divorced there will still be times that even appropriate Boundaries might not handle. (See our boundary topics here on our
Tools and Skills board.) That's why we also need a well written Court Order for custody and parenting schedules.
Once you're more familiar with the many skills, tools and strategies advocated here, plus the peer support and our collective hard-won wisdom on what usually works and what usually doesn't work, you'll feel more empowered and educated and not feel as pressured to appease or weaken your needed boundaries.