Divorce conflict and fantasy ruminations

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Needing help with divorce and my own health.

She will file for restraining orders and then want to talk and meet up. 14 years later and a custody battle lasting 5 years the cycle hasnt stopped. Idealize devalue idealize devalue your amazing your abusive your amazing ur a PLEASE READ dad, lets talk , her is a court trial...

[Pnw24]

Needing help with divorce and my own health.

She will file for restraining orders and then want to talk and meet up. 14 years later and a custody battle lasting 5 years the cycle hasnt stopped. Idealize devalue idealize devalue your amazing your abusive your amazing ur a PLEASE READ dad, lets talk , her is a court trial...

[GaGrl]

Divorce with a pwBPD can be difficult, to say the least. There are many here who have been in similar situations.

What is your current situation? Are you divorced and still having custody disputes? Or are you trying to get to a divorce settlement with custody involved?

[Pnw24]

Divorced and having custody conflict, kids extra curricular drama, she makes everything very very intense... 5 years of custody battles/ false allegations/ threats of parental alienation/ sabotaging career etc...

Needing help with anxiety if dealing with her, staying out of drama, and the trauama bond that some how we need to be connected in this black endless insanity pit

[ForeverDad]

Acceptance is said to be the final stage of grieving a loss.  You may no longer be grieving, but your ex is prolonging the difficult interactions and conflict.  You'll feel better if you can Accept "what is" and deal with it accordingly without all the angst and undue tensions.

One of the points expressed in the excellent handbook Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder is to demonstrate to the court that you are not contributing to the problems but, rather, have practical solutions.  Maybe not immediately, but eventually court may come to see you as the more reasonably normal parent and agree that you should have more authority so protracted cases and hearings in court are less often.

In my case, my ex forced our divorce to go through every step of divorce, and then some.  It took over two years and I was an alternate weekend dad the whole time.  Fortunately on Trial Day I arrived and was greeted with the news she was ready to settle.  I walked out with Shared Parenting, equal time and I was the one with school authority.  Problems continued, two years later we were back in court again, I sought custody and majority parenting time.  I got custody.  Problems continued and a couple years and a full two day hearing/trial later I got the majority parenting time I was denied before.  Get this... we didn't go back to court again and six years later our son aged out of the family court system.

Yes, I know it's hard for a dad to get custody and majority time.  It wasn't easy nor cheap, I was in and out of court for about 8 years (2005-2013).  But now it's all in the past.  I wasn't a perfect dad, no one is, but I'm hoping I will be remembered as reasonably normal.