Copious amount of pain.

[Boozle]

So, it's been two years.

Sometimes i have been alright.
Other times, emotional flashbacks.

But , now she has found someone, and is posting it all over
social media.
I removed Instagram, because i just couldn't watching her falling in love with
a new guy.
And it has felt good, mostly.
I was quite proud of myself, felt like i stood up for myself a bit.
It's been like 2 months like that.

Now i went in to Instagram.
She has removed me.
It's not unexpected, i am a bit surprised she lasted that long.
But...
All i feel is that , this is so. Wrong.
This is completely mad.
We were so much in love.
It's like a paralel universe, where everything is turned upside down.
And i feel half relieved, and half " in pieces."

[Shaken54]

I am going what you are going through, please just block her, delete her and prevent yourself from viewing her social media. Unfortunately these people are unable to  attach and love properly, they view us differently then we view them. They are trying to fill a void with an object and that object is us.

Read up on BPD it will help you understand that they operate in a cycle, there is nothing we can do to stop it. Only they can try too with years of therapy and hard work and even then its not certain. This is hard I am a month NC but it gets easier. stop the contact so you can heal and get away from the abuse.

Dont let her pull you back, I did it gets worse and shorter each time till they fully discard you.

You deserve better, believe in yourself and let a person who truly cares about you in after you heal.

[Cnvi]

Not sure how much this will help, but Guy Winch has a TED talk on How To Fix a Broken Heart, at around 6 minutes he starts going into an interesting method where you create a list to remind yourself of the stuff that is likely sidelined by the intense emotions you're probably feeling right now. I've been using this regularly when I get a burst of sad memories, or I hear a song that reminds me of my ex.

Stay strong!