the end...?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I don't even see the point in writing everything that just happened because I know everyone can probably imagine. He has decided to leave without me prompting it. I'm sad because I know I'll grieve the memories but I feel guilty because I'm also soo happy because I don't feel like I "abandoned" him since he made the decision. Being together is impossible. It's making us miserable and I know that we can't work especially because he won't get help. I need to let go of the mentality that I can help him, or that I was put into his life for a reason. I know I'm not god and I'm not his therapist. It just sucks because I noticed something was off pretty early in the relationship and I've tried to be here for him since then... I'm scared that because we won't be together no one else will try as hard to get him help like I was. The only time he was agreeable to it was when he knew that I'd walk. As sad as all of this is though, I wish him the best and will pray for his successes.

[Drained0326]

I don't even see the point in writing everything that just happened because I know everyone can probably imagine. He has decided to leave without me prompting it. I'm sad because I know I'll grieve the memories but I feel guilty because I'm also soo happy because I don't feel like I "abandoned" him since he made the decision. Being together is impossible. It's making us miserable and I know that we can't work especially because he won't get help. I need to let go of the mentality that I can help him, or that I was put into his life for a reason. I know I'm not god and I'm not his therapist. It just sucks because I noticed something was off pretty early in the relationship and I've tried to be here for him since then... I'm scared that because we won't be together no one else will try as hard to get him help like I was. The only time he was agreeable to it was when he knew that I'd walk. As sad as all of this is though, I wish him the best and will pray for his successes.

[livednlearned]

It's true that a lot of these behaviors are ones many of us experience. You don't have to write it all down...at the same time, sometimes it helps to put it in writing and look closely at what happened so others can share how they felt and responded. You're not alone 

Has he left and come back before?

How old is your child, and how does she feel about him leaving?

How long have you and your BF been together?

[Gemmie]

Hi there,

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this emotional roller-coaster. Four years is a helluva an investment.

If, however, your partner was the one that called it quits - I find myself wondering, is that habitual? Like, has that person done the "I'm done," "It's over this time," etc. as a  pattern or is the first time it's escalated to that point.

Also - do you believe it? Often, after the heat of the moment dissipates there's a period (for the other person) where they feel like a crushing sense of defeat/despair and then they'll often revert to the apology/honeymoon period of "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again, etc."

I ask, because, I happen to be in this situation right now myself. Hubs has cycled through this SO many times, I can't count them. (And, to make it more difficult, I've been in this relationship for TWENTY-FIVE FREAKIN' YEARS!) But, this last one - he was SO dramatic and offensive, I'm seriously considering just making the step to end things...

I've never lived on my own, so that's scary - and - JUST LIKE YOU - there's part of me that worries for/about him. Like, he'll be alone forever, he has no one else, etc. But, I've read numerous things that we're not Mother Theresa's. We can never "fix" them. But, the "guilt" feels like I'd be abandoning him. Especially since he's so much older than I am (14 years!)

Anywho - I'm babbling a bit. But, your post caught my eye (and my heart). I feel for you and I hope that whatever happens, you have a support system of your own. That's a long time to be with someone who has these problems...