Need help with bpd

[Lampshade]

Hi. I’m new to this site.  I’m feeling discouraged dealing with my son,32 yrs old He is BPD.  His sister is fed up with his b hagiography and blaming.  I’m hurting when he acts out his perception is black and white. Help!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Lampshade and welcome to the place where others are at some point along the same journey as you.

The 'black and white' thinking is so wearing. Can I ask whether you have any self care in place? Perhaps some counselling, time out for the things you like to do , so that you can step out of the chaos for even some short periods of time to appreciate yourself and the world around you?

[Lampshade]

Hi. I’m hurting. My son with bpd is causing pain in our family.
He is 32, sister is 35, he has t spoken to her I. A year.  She drew a line in the sand, said she wanted to have a relationship with him but would no longer tolerate his behavior nor would she walk on      eggshells around him.
And I’m the mom, not so easy to withdraw, but life is difficult.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I’ve been a single parent since they were 7 and 5.  Both did well in school, have degrees.
Daughter has endured emotional abuse, and physical when brother was younger, now he just exhibites emothiinal abuse.
I’m dealing with guilt for not being strong enough or even aware
It was this bad.  I had an abusive marriage with an un diagnosed
BPD husband. So yes genetics but I’m feeling guilty because I enabled my sons behavior! Help!

[Sancho]

It is easy to feel the hurt in your words. Yes the mother relationship is so different. We try to do the best for each child and make the best decisions that we can do at any point in time.

If there is one thing I hope you can work towards, it is to stop feeling guilty. I think this is an extra difficult task for a parent of a BPD child. They are so intensely emotional and this is often directed towards a mother. They want us to 'fix' things straight away and if we can't then we can be subjected to awful abuse.

It is no wonder so many people who come here talk about the guilt they feel. We look back and think 'If only . . . . . ' but the fact is we did the best we could at each point in time. Often we didn't even know what we were dealing with.

One thing that helped me overcome the guilt was saying over and over the 3 C's - I didn't cause this, I can't control it, I can't cure it.

Keep reading and posting if you have the time and the energy. It really helps knowing others understand the pain and chaos of life with a loved BPD.