Starting to stand up for myself

[Unhappyhusband]

I've been married 15 years. Have two kids. My wife has bpd and bipolar type 2.
She's on meds and it's a little better than before but it's so hard. I've gone through most of our marriage apologizing for everything and giving in and not having my own life but I'm starting to stand up.
Hard thing is that my kids are almost teenagers and I see her affecting them and I don't know what to do.
I've stayed with her for the kids sake but I see her negative affect on them now too...

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Unhappyhusband,

what are you starting to stand up for/against? tell us more.

[maxsterling]

Hi - welcome.

Even without knowing the details, I can relate to what you are going through.  Probably more than you can even imagine.

I've been with my W 8 years.  I, too, have slowly lost my identity and found myself in a cycle of apologizing for things I had not control over and trying to "right" stuff that I did not make wrong.  It may give you a few peaceful days in the short term, but the long term it probably does more harm than good. 

And like you, I am starting to stand up.  It's hard.  I'm naturally a pretty passive person who simply wants to take care of myself and others take care of themselves.  Being in a r/s with such a needy person is perplexing.  Right now my focus is to try and find just a few things that I can do to help regain my sense of self.  Number one goal is personal time - even if it is just a few hours per week.

What kind of life are you hoping to regain?