Has a BPD left your life for someone else and tried to return?

[AlbatrossRising]

My BPD wife left me for another man. Still hasn’t admitted to the affair. We’re in a divorce process. This is over the course of 6 months now.

There’s a lot of details of abuse, lying, debt, cheating, manipulation and gaslighting that I’m sure many of you understand.

We have two small kids. She has become cold, vile and narcissistic.

It’s worth mentioning that we dated once before this and she left for another and a year later she came back and apologized for being selfish, filthy and stupid.

She has not deleted me off of social media and has kept all the photos up, however, there’s no signs of recourse on her end.

I was just curious is any of you have dealt with something similar, a completely hopeless situation and has eventually seen them try to come back.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[At Bay]

I'm sorry to hear what you've been through.

I can only speak to your last sentence in comparison to what I experienced. We're much older-- senior citizens older-- and never separated, but the situation was seemingly hopeless with lots of meanness, much time away from home and unexplained money being spent until I proved he was having an affair. He stopped seeing the woman after that so his son and gullible friends wouldn't learn of it although he insists I believe his denials. My answer is always this: nonsense. I heard a voice mail, saw a text about them meeting early on a Sunday morning, after he forgot to delete it and found a back-way into his mobile account.

The stress and changes are hard to take, but it is true that we're stronger than we think we are. You can even benefit from more stability in your life if she doesn't appreciate what she had. You may be a happier dad for your kids to see, and that is very rewarding.

[AlbatrossRising]

Thank you for your perspective and advice. I’m sorry to hear your troubles as well. I believe you just going on all the gaslighting I’ve endured. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s a duck.

[once removed]

are you hoping to reconcile the marriage?

i understand you are in the divorce process, are you separate, living together, whats the situation?

[AlbatrossRising]

Honestly, yes. Especially because we have kids. But also because I truly do love her. I mean we had 4 years, 4 good years together. And then suddenly, she snapped one day. She even told me there was a snap and she “flipped a switch”. I just don’t see a pathway. And that’s just because she has 0 interest. She’s with another man. She’s cruel. Vindictive. I don’t even recognize her anymore, she’s like a completely different person. She once told me that she was afraid that I would see who she was underneath and leave her. And then suddenly she left. It was 5 straight months of me fighting for her with all my heart and she just pushed away more and more. We barely talk. Even when we exchange the kids. She’s just completely focused on her new life. She’s out partying on the weekends and with her new love and just doesn’t care.

We tried counseling and it got better but then she quit and said she didn’t even want to try. She just gives me nothing.

But I would love nothing more then for her to come back, the right way.