Recovery after years is emotional abuse

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi there,

I’m so glad I found this website because I’ve been searching for months for a network that understands how ostracizing BPD relationships how can be. My ex partner has stalked and harassed me for a year since breaking up and I never understood her pathological lying and irrational behavior until we saw a couples therapist (multiple) saw us and said I needed to go no contact. It’s been back and forth for the past year of me trying to understand, lovr and support her but it was met with cheating, manipulative and abusive  behavior that only worsened when I finally had the courage to leave. The sad thing was, I was still in love with her when I left.

I’ve finally been able to make that decision and cut the cord but I know I have years of healing ahead of me. I still love her which makes me feel even more guilty and ashamed. I’m learning that I’m not the only one who has been in such a difficult position and that love doesn’t have to feel sick, strained and abusive. 

If anyone has any advice… I’m fresh off the BPD cycle boat and I’m needing some assistance. Currently working on finding a new therapist 

[Dogslistentome]

Hi there,

I’m so glad I found this website because I’ve been searching for months for a network that understands how ostracizing BPD relationships how can be. My ex partner has stalked and harassed me for a year since breaking up and I never understood her pathological lying and irrational behavior until we saw a couples therapist (multiple) saw us and said I needed to go no contact. It’s been back and forth for the past year of me trying to understand, lovr and support her but it was met with cheating, manipulative and abusive  behavior that only worsened when I finally had the courage to leave. The sad thing was, I was still in love with her when I left.

I’ve finally been able to make that decision and cut the cord but I know I have years of healing ahead of me. I still love her which makes me feel even more guilty and ashamed. I’m learning that I’m not the only one who has been in such a difficult position and that love doesn’t have to feel sick, strained and abusive. 

If anyone has any advice… I’m fresh off the BPD cycle boat and I’m needing some assistance. Currently working on finding a new therapist 

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome dogslistentome 

I am glad you found us and jumped right in with your first post! 

Leaving a relationship is tough, often it feels as if you're being ripped apart in pieces. Some of the pieces seem to have stayed velcro attached to the one we knew wasn't healthy for us. Yet with time, I think you may discover that you are actually more whole than what you can perceive now. That may seem like an imaginary dream at this point in your life, and that's fine. Just want to give you a glimmer of hope.

What are you doing for self care and recovery these days? Are you taking any walks out in nature? I have found a walk in the park to be very soothing, but what are the things you like?

Wools

[Dogslistentome]

Woolspinner

I appreciate you taking the time to respond and your exactly right. Working on making myself whole again and detaching. As I’ve learned from some books and from these forums it’s a necessary process to move forward. I’m currently looking for something new to put forth effort into, which does include more walks and physical exercise plus connecting with friends I haven’t been able to due to i so location. .

It’s only been a few days of no contact and it’s hard for me knowing all of this was just to use me and abuse me. It’s a tough idea to grapple with but I’m confident I can work through this.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Dogslisten, Welcome!  Now is a good time to figure out why you got into a r/s with a pwBPD in the first place.  Hint: usually it has something to do with one's FOO or other childhood trauma.  Getting to the source of your attraction to a pwBPD can be helpful, in my view, because identifying the pattern allows you to move beyond it.

LuckyJim