So I tried five different titles and they all sounded clickbait-y, my apologies. I wanted to share this with the community because it has helped me and I believe others might find this helpful, too.
The other day I found this article: This "Bite-Sized Habit" Is Scientifically Shown To Boost Happiness
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-write-a-self-compassion-letterThe URL gives it away, it's about writing a (very specific) short daily letter to yourself for one week. I scoffed at this, thinking this was a little woo-woo, but stay with me here for a moment. From the article:
Take this 2010 study, for example: When participants wrote a letter to themselves (a paragraph of mindfulness, a paragraph of common humanity, and a paragraph of kind words) once a day for a total of seven days, they had a significant decrease in depression for three months and an increase in happiness for six months.
Writing a short letter to yourself every evening for only a week supposedly gives you all those benefits? How is that even possible?
Unfortunately, the article isn't very clear on the specifics, and it links to an affiliate site where the study is hidden behind a paywall (39€? no thanks), so I did some minor digging and found it completely accessible for free here:
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233219786_The_benefits_of_self-compassion_and_optimism_exercises_for_individuals_vulnerable_to_depressionTurns out the article wasn't exaggerating about the increase in happiness and the decrease in depression, the numbers were accurate. The study also had a large enough group of participants (1,002 people) to give the results credibility.
I figured it couldn't hurt to try, so I've been doing this exercise for the past couple of days. And the positive impact it has had on my days has been
tremendous. On Thursday I got into what was possibly the worst fight I've ever had with someone outside my BPD ex-relationship, and just doing this exercise turned my mental state from "I wish I could talk to someone, I'm so distraught I could cry all night" to "Everything will be okay". I was so cheerful afterwards that it almost came as a shock.
If you want to try it out, here's what to do, according to the study. You can either pick one of the two or do both (I chose to do both in conjunction) and write a letter to yourself every evening for seven days:
To start writing your own letter, try to feel that part of you that can be kind and understanding of others. Think about what you would say to a friend in your position, or what a friend would say to you in this situation. Try to have understanding for your distress (e.g., I am sad you feel distressed . . . ) and realize your distress makes sense. Try and be good to yourself. We would like you to write whatever comes to you, but make sure this letter provides you with what you think you need to hear in order to feel nurtured and soothed about your stressful situation or event. This letter may take about 5–15 min to write, and there is no ‘right’ or‘wrong’ way of doing it.
Imagine yourself in the future (6 months/1 year/2 years/5 years/10 years from now – Pick a timeframe that makes sense to you). Imagine you are in a better place where you have resolved some of the issues that are concerning you now.
(1) Describe where you are, what you are doing, and what is happening in your life. Enrich with as much detail as possible.
(2) Tell yourself the crucial things you realized or the critical steps you took to get there. Give yourself some sage and compassionate advice from a better future.
Doing this for only a couple of days now has already helped me a lot; perhaps it can help other posters, too.
