Trying new things with some hopeful success

[Boogie74]

I’m slowly learning to NOT invalidate vs try to validate.   

New responses:

“Why should I talk to someone who is mean and a jerk to me?”
- “You’re saying I’m mean and a jerk to you?”  (I used to say that I didn’t intend to upset her)

(After filling her water bottle) “I don’t NEED you to do that!  I can do it on my own”
- “You’re right”.   (I used to tell her that I wanted to help her)

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

How has she been responding to your updated ways of replying?

[Boogie74]

How has she been responding to your updated ways of replying?

She tells me that she doesn’t trust it- that I’m only being nice and supportive as a manipulative move to “reel her in” until I show my real self and become a monster (which is, of course, my REAL persona)

[Chosen]

She tells me that she doesn’t trust it- that I’m only being nice and supportive as a manipulative move to “reel her in” until I show my real self and become a monster (which is, of course, my REAL persona)

To be honest, I get lots of those too, when I try to be validating.  And because I'm usually terrible at it, I can't really expect the pwBPD to trust me.  From experience though, although the pwBPD will say these things, they will not attack you, and in any case, the response is erring on the positive side, and definitely better than if you're being invalidating!